We’ve got the Legislature we deserve

Want to know what’s really wrong with the Alaska Legislature? The voters who sent this crew into office.

For a long time I have thought the citizen legislature is a really quaint and fine representation of who we are as everyday Alaskans. If that is the case, we are in more trouble than we think. I hope to heaven that our populus is in better shape than who we have representing us.

This week there was a giant surprise to the very lawmakers who voted for that hideous oil legislation known as SB 21. Shock, I tell ya, shock! What? There’s a provision in that bill that actually takes away incentive to develop oil? Why would we do that? Oh, we didn’t know. Kinda makes you wonder who wrote the bill, doesn’t it? I’m guessing it was a lobbyist. Makes the most sense. Yes, now, under some super secret measure that doesn’t allow us to know how much money we are out, some oil companies are taking advantage of the fact that they can get paid more for their losses than they paid for them. If you make a profit you get to keep the profit and pay a pitiful tax. If you lose money, you get paid that money back and a little bit more. In this very spot of your Sunday morning paper, I have written way too many times that the oil companies wouldn’t be happy until we were paying them to take our oil. Well, they must be happy now, because that’s the business Alaska is in.

I feel like the proverbial broken record. I’m sorry. I wish I’d been wrong. Truly. But here’s the deal, darlings, Alaska has the exact representation and fiscal mess we deserve. We continually elect chumps who are happier going out for swanky dinners with greasy lobbyists who tell them how clever they are — and how Alaska is so lucky to have them in office — than to actually do the homework it takes to understand the substance, much less nuance, of bills they are voting on. We MADE this. When a cabinetmaker and a guy who has chomped on nothing but government vittles for his whole career, a former nonprofit organizer and a guy who literally thinks having his yard signs printed in camo (presumably to make them more visible?) are at the helm, in a storm of, well, let’s just say better paid and way smarter lobbyists, this is what we get. Would it kill us to elect people with two brain cells to rub together? Oh, wait, that was mean; we’re actually the dumb ones who keep thinking they will right the ship. Hell, they aren’t even bailing!

While checking the couch cushions in Juneau, an account holding $288 million dollars, in what I can only guess wasn’t nickels, got found. Wahoo!! Think of the senior citizens in our state who will be so relieved to not have to look through the cushions of the sofas they already checked. Oh, wait. Sorry, seniors, that money is not a surprise for you. Oh, and in the meantime you should know that next to the budget cuts of pre-K, senior relief, the University of Alaska, education there is still funding for the Knik Arm bridge. Yeah! There’s a bridge to nowhere — and I’m not talking about the structural span to Point McKenzie — I’m talking about the future of Alaska.

This last week, dozens of high school students showed up in the capital to make their voices known on SB 89/191. That gives me some hope. They will be voting soon, and maybe we should be paying attention. Our uterus police — I mean radical Republican representatives — want to come between students and education when it comes to sex ed — also known as “health class.” I can only assume they are the same people who think Girl Scouts now get an abortion badge, and that Planned Parenthood isn’t really trying to help people “plan” their families, but instead wants to set up abortion mills by intentionally misinforming them about birth control. Not only do they want an opt-in for said health class, if any teacher knows that the educator has any affiliation to a clinic that performs abortions, said teacher will lose their teaching certificate and doctors would lose their license to practice medicine.

This seems to be in violation of multiple rights provided all Alaskans, including teachers and doctors, by the very constitution these lawmakers swore to uphold. Apparently it’s OK if your fingers were crossed. You would think they owned stock in medicines to fight Chlamydia since our teenagers have the highest rate in the country. Here’s a hint: It’s easier to learn about this stuff BEFORE contracting it. What’s next? Hiring Bristol Palin to be a abstinence spokesperson? How’d that work out?

It is hard to narrow down the crazy in Juneau each week, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the bill charging through that attaches your credit score to your insurance. Your car insurance, house insurance and health insurance premiums will be determined by your credit score if this sails through. What constituent thought of that? Really? You think one of your neighbors called their legislator and said they thought this was a fine idea? Yeah, I don’t think so, unless your neighbor is a lobbyist.

This is what we got, my friends. The legislature that we deserve.

Comments

comments