Ryan Steps into Palin’s Red Pumps
Oh, dear. She’s been waiting by the window and watching the mailman every day – pressing her little nose against the glass, and looking for that special envelope inviting her to the dance. And every day, he passes her by. And we’ve been watching her watch the mailman pass her by, and stand in front of the mirror, practicing her speech. And finally, we’ve all come to the same realization. Sarah didn’t get invited to speak at the Republican convention. After some private pillow-screaming, and plate smashing, and hair-pulling, she’s put on a brave face. You see, she really didn’t…
Palin Proves Cheney’s “Mistake” Comment
Sarah Palin has responded to former Vice President Dick Cheney’s assertion that John McCain made a “mistake” by selecting her as his running mate in 2012. In an interview with Greta Van Susteren, Palin had this to say, thereby validating Mr. Cheney’s point, and proving the veracity of that old adage – “Better to be silent and thought a “mistake” than to speak and remove all doubt.” …or something like that. “Well, seeing’s how Dick — excuse me, Vice President uh Cheney — never misfires, (enormous eye roll) then evidently he’s quite convinced that what he had uh evidently read…
Palin Hurls Self Into Spotlight. Again.
First I wrote about her to inform people. Then I wrote about her because she was a hilarious political train wreck. Then I wrote about her because she annoyed me. Then I started writing about her because she really made me mad. Then I ignored her. All of these actions shared the same unfortunate result. She did not go away. Well, she went away from Alaska, this is true. She said she did it for us. She’d be better able to work for Alaska from Outside, she said. Maybe while she’s out there, she can also find the “real killers.”…
The Wrath of Captain Zero
Well, somebody’s still mad. After he didn’t get his way during the legislative session, he broke his crayons and went home. After Governor Sean Parnell’s embarrassingly botched special session that cost Alaskans upwards of $30,000 a day, in which his woefully underprepared administration tried in vain to get the Alaska Senate to green light his second $2 billion dollar a year, no-strings-attached, prezzie to the oil companies, he’s now got another plan. Revenge. It didn’t register with the governor that Alaskans actually didn’t like his oil tax plan. They didn’t like the idea of moving $10 billion over the next…
Parnell’s Contemptible Appointment
In a recess appointment, Governor Sean Parnell has named Dianne Blumer to be Alaska’s new Labor Commissioner. Always interested in Parnell appointments to such important jobs, I checked her facebook page. Ah…ironic on the day Facebook went public, Mrs. Blumer hasn’t figured out her privacy settings. See, her facebook is listed under “Dianne Kiesel-Blumer”. Kiesel, Kiesel, Kiesel…why does that name sound familiar? Oh, that’s right, the pre-married Dianne Kiesel was found in contempt by the Alaska State Senate for ignoring subpoenas during the Senate’s Troopergate Investigation. She wasn’t alone. Todd Palin and eight other state employees had the same finding….
The Hoodie of the North…
A friend of mine recently passed through the Anchorage International airport and was asked to remove his hoodie. The thuggish and menacing hoodie, which has been the subject of tragedy and controversy, is apparently also all the rage with terrorists in the air. This particular hoodie had no zippers or grommets, and the pockets were empty. “What if I hadn’t had anything on underneath?” he grumbled. And I thought, what if it was me, and I didn’t have anything on underneath? This was distinctly possible. If you were to place a bet, at any given moment in time, I’m more likely…
Palin Returns to Anti-GOP Roots
As the immediate past Vice Presidential nominee, it’s hardly surprising that most people outside Alaska view Sarah Palin as a card-carrying member of the GOP establishment. Despite her husband Todd’s seven year dalliance with the secessionist Alaska Independence Party, and his quiet conversion to the GOP when his wife decided to run for office, Sarah has always been a party member—technically. Many are perplexed that Palin “suddenly” has turned against the very establishment that brought her national fame, and is now throwing her support (albeit not a formal endorsement) behind Newt Gingrich and against the party’s presumptive nominee, Mitt Romney….
Battleground Florida: Clown-on-Clown Violence
It’s time to put a couple fresh plump Florida oranges in a tube sock, and let the beating begin. All week long, Americans have been treated to the horrifying yet compelling spectacle of the two frontrunners in the GOP race for their party’s nomination pummeling each other like Roman gladiators before the bloodthirsty crowd. The winning gladiator, in whatever desperate shape he happens to be – steak on his eye, split lip, dragging one leg, bleeding on the carpet – has earned the right to move on to the big fight. He’ll be wildly flailing his half-functional limb at the…
Palin’s Newt Testament
After 30 years, Alaska Airlines has decided to no longer include prayer cards on the tray with their in-flight meals. The small, business card sized cards contained short quotes from the Bible and a peaceful image of nature. In a memo sent to frequent fliers, the airline made the announcement on Wednesday that the cards will be discontinued come February 1. “We’ve heard from many of you who believe religion is inappropriate on an airplane, and some are offended when we hand out the cards. Religious beliefs are deeply personal and sharing them with others is an individual choice,” explained the…
The Casualty in Alaska’s Culture War
By Elstun Lauesen There is a culture war going on. And the epicenter of that culture war is right here in Alaska. It is outrageous in its brazenness and tragic in its effect. It is political in its tactic and economic in its objective. It is a classic tale of western frontier conquest. I am speaking, of course, of the war on the Native subsistence culture of Alaska. The passage of the Alaska National Interest Lands Conservation Act (ANILCA) in 1980 linked federal land policy in Alaska to a subsistence use priority. Congress, in Title VIII of ANILCA, made…