TALLZ UNITE!*
*unless they don’t
Today, Donald Trump and whatever remains of his organization issued a proclamation/extortion notice to his BF(maybe forever) Governor Mike Dunleavy.
He will completely and totally endorse Gov. Mike Dunleavy’s reelection campaign! Why? Because, the Florida retiree says, he’s a strong conservative. He hearts the Constitution, “including the second and tenth Amendments.” He says Alaska needs Mike Dunleavy “now more than ever” which has earned the Tall One his “Complete and Total Endorsement [sic].”
UNLESS Dunleavy endorses Lisa Murkowski.
That’s right. Even though Trump proudly endorsed Governor from Wasilla 2.0 the first time and thinks he’s done a super job, and is the best thing for our state – the best thing for our state is just not as important as vengeance and stroking his massive ego. You understand, Alaskans. Right? ‘If YOU like someone who doesn’t like ME, then I don’t like YOU.” Nyeah.
It’s probably too long for a t-shirt, but
“After all the schmoozing, and all the tête-à-têtes about Pebble Mine in Air Force One while refueling, and pilgrimages to the White House, all I gets is this lousy extortion letter.”
Don’t even get me started on “ANWAR.” No, not the erstwhile Egyptian President who was assassinated in 1981, nor Anwar Hadid, the American fashion model and TV personality (who is now estranged from his girlfriend Dua Lipa after two years together, for the one of you who may be interested).
It’s the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge – ANWR. Republicans don’t really like to call it the whole name because then you have to actually say “wildlife refuge.” But that’s it.
Interestingly, Republican Kelly Tshibaka, the Marylander and deep state beltway bureaucrat who speaks in tongues and supports gay conversion therapy who Trump wants Dunleavy to endorse for the Senate instead of Lisa Murkowski also has a problem with that particular area, having spelled it “Artic.” You know, like real lifelong Alaskans do, who are NOT carpetbagging at ALL.
ANYWAY.
Trump seems unconcerned with the other big news of the day from Dunleavy – Lt. Governor Kevin Meyer who has had a 30-year career as an extremely thinly-veiled undercover oil company lobbyist in the legislature as an Alaska politician, has decided to not seek reelection. And by “has decided not to seek reelection” he means he’s throwing himself under the bus so Dunleavy doesn’t have to boot him off the ticket publicly in favor of someone he actually likes.
Alaska’s new election laws mean that starting this cycle, the Governor and Lt. Governor are running on a ticket. In the past they ran separately and the winners were stuck together, having to make the best of a strained situation.
There are plenty of reasons not to like Kevin Meyer (like being a Conoco employee and voting down oil tax reform that would have kept Alaska out of its current mess) but he wasn’t an ideologue, and he wasn’t a blowhard, and he loyally carried Dunleavy’s water until the end. But he earned the ire of Dunleavy’s right-wing fringe base when he (GAAAASP) declared Alaska’s elections to be true and accurate. Which they were. Says the red-faced right, “How DAAAAAAARE he?!”
Nobody is quite sure what election they think didn’t go their way. Republicans have all three congressional seats, the governorship, and both houses of the legislature – although some of the more rational Republicans did caucus with Dems in a House majority. And Republicans won the presidential. So… it’s really just the perpetually infuriated looking for a place to put all that perpetual fury. Election anger is all the rage you know.
And so goes Kevin Meyer, flinging himself under the wheels of the MAGA train. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Dunleavy has a few days before the end of the year to declare a running mate and send out some frantic hair-on-fire fundraising emails before the end of the 2021 cycle. So keep an eye out for that.
Meanwhile Kevin Meyer says he’s *sniff* looking forward to ending his political career, and it’s more important to him to oversee the 2022 election in his role as Lt. Governor to make sure it all runs smoothly than to continue his career in politics. *sniff*
Hopefully he decides to dish it in a tell-all interview after the election, and a couple weeks in Palm Springs.
[whispers] call me!