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Friday, January 28, 2022

I Think I Love Wayne Lawson.

akmwl

This headline may come as a shock to my spouse, so let me say right off the bat, that I’ve never actually met him, nor do I know the inner workings of his heart.  I don’t know his favorite food, or his secret childhood dreams.  I would not even recognize him if I passed him on the street.  (taking a big deep breath) I have a grammatical crush.  It’s a little embarrassing really, but after you check out the following link, you may understand why.

Before you click, if you are a word person, and if you have felt like a bug on a pin, writhing in agony every time you have listened to Sarah Palin open her mouth and speechify, and if you have wanted to bang your head on the desk in frustration wondering not only how she could write such gobbledy-gook, but who let her stand up there and say it out loud, you may want to get some kind of  folding fan, or a cool cloth for your neck before you look at this.  If you smoke, have ’em ready for when you’re done.

OK…here goes.

CLICK

And yes, I know that my babbling run-on sentence up above would no doubt be subjected to Mr. Lawson’s brilliant red pen, but I’m in love so you’ll just have to forgive me.  The grammatical section of my brain has just been swept off its feet.  I think I need some water.

[And that green pen and blue pen ain’t bad either…]

Comments

comments

Comments
115 Responses to “I Think I Love Wayne Lawson.”
  1. SillyWhabbit, Seattle, WA says:

    That was beautiful.
    Thanks for posting it.

    It is refreshing to see some people are turned off enough by her wordiness that they correct it instead of emulating it !! 😉
    I have a hard time in a lot of the comment sections because people run around typing like her, thinking it is cute. It’s not cute when she does it and it is even less cute, when intelligent people who know better do it.
    I’m thinking of creating “Palin Free” awards for websites who can speak about her without speaking like her. Of course, I’ll award the first one to myself!!!!

  2. Moose Pucky says:

    Four days and counting…

  3. Lighthouse says:

    Truly, that was fun!!!!!!!

  4. Nan (aka roswellborn) says:

    Chaim (85)
    “…personal prosody…”

    And not just Wayne Lawson, either.

  5. Tina Nelson says:

    Eek!

    That’s “… three websites’ worth…”

    (right? yes? let’s just say i had to do a lot of editing)

  6. Tina Nelson says:

    Wayne Lawson gave me an English spanking, and i’ve been re-reading and editing three websites worth of paragraphs.

    My software end-users thank you, Wayne.

  7. Lonnie says:

    I wonder if Sarah’s feelings got hurt? I bet she will blame Wayne Lawson for her stupid speech. AND ALSO, this is a woman who won’t accept any criticism of her ignorance. I hope someone sends her the edited version of her speech.

  8. Karyn says:

    What a delightful post! And WAY TO GO Wayne! Your work illustrates her as terribly uneducated & unprofessional, with regard to this speech.

    She sounds like a redneck hillbilly to me, saying most things twice, & with way too many small connector words. Too much nonsense jargon, like not being “wired” this way.

    Definately, not ready for prime time. Hey, maybe she decided to go back to school? Yeah I know, too optimistic….. Thanks AKM.

  9. jojobo1 says:

    Read parts but to many write outs to read the whole thing. How anyone could think that was a good speech is beyond me. I freak out in front of people and I think I could have done better.By the way I believe there are only three kids at home right now so where is she getting the four years and one hello year.The babies can’t talk.It sure looked like Todd did not know what was going on so it could not have been him as one and I don’t think it would be all that easy to get hold of someone in Iraq.

  10. jimzmum says:

    This reminds me of my teaching days. Going over papers written by the back row bunch. Terribly sad. Thinking that this group was never going to get it, never going to understand.

  11. Lee323 says:

    I only made it halfway through and needed Ketamine.

  12. BlancheMadison says:

    I only made it halfway through and needed a smoke!

  13. 264 Crayons says:

    Today’s editing is brought to you by SHARPIE and the colors red, green, and blue:)

  14. Just_a_Mote says:

    No to Palin @5:27, No need for shame, I also have posted comments that I go back and re-read and think ‘dang’. In fact, it happens more than I would like to admit. The important thing is that you’re aware of it.

  15. Just_a_Mote says:

    This is very funny. I think the brilliant red pen could make my writing more colorful.

  16. No To Palin says:

    And I was so ashamed of my misuse of Your/You’re when I suggested “Your (sic) so Vain” for the Screen Door Sunday! In the spirit of Palin, I’ll blame it on somebody else (how about Palin?) and state for the record that I was channeling the grammar-challenged soon-to-be-ex-barely-half-a-term Governor all too well.

    Dang!

  17. JRC says:

    @77 Pacos_gal

    I’m a published writer, but as an editor of books (i.e. compiled essays). I’ve done some heavy duty editing in my day. I had to basically re-write a book that was written by a man who’s first language was not English, so…there is some parity. lol

    With a different language, not all of the thoughts are clear, so a lot of interpretation happens. Essentially one is taking the kernel of an idea and writing it in one’s own words with a hefty dose of your own thoughts. It’s not easy.

  18. EatWildFish says:

    I’m in love with Wayne Lawson also, too!

    Happy AK Screen Door Day on July 26 everyone!

  19. Chaim says:

    Whoa, AKM! If “the grammatical section of [your] brain has just been swept off its feet,” you need to turn down that metaphoric Mixmaster before it splatters all over your prose.

    The editing job points out just how bad the original was, but — if poetry is what is lost in translation, what was lost in the editing was her ineffably hapless, yet effingly hopeless, self-parodying personal prosody. With that gone, nothing remained. The speech still doesn’t offer a coherent explanation for her resignation. If it no longer grates upon the reader’s sense of proper English, it continues to grate on the reader’s sense of facts and logic. Like an immaculately restored Yugo, it’s still junk.

    Perhaps deeper meanings were excised as well. When Sarah said, “And someday I’ll talk about the details of that,” how she polled her kids and received “four yeses and one “hell, yeah,” was she not promising to explain just who her five children are? After all, Trig at fifteen months is not likely to have expressed an opinion on the question. And it would also be interesting to learn why she didn’t consult Todd. Just sayin …

  20. GlobalVillage says:

    In my opinion there is nothing more beautiful than reading or listening to well constructed English. It is a wonderful language I think. Pity Sarah has no idea how to use it.

  21. Magister Ludi says:

    I’m an editor, too (also?), and the reworking of her speech makes me smile. Just goes to show a good editor can sometimes make a silk purse out of a pig’s ear.

    The blue edits are by the copyeditors, who are concerned with punctuation, agreement of noun and verbs, making sure all abbreviations are defined, etc. Their changes seem a bit more cryptic because they are in proofreading shorthand.

  22. Great work Mr Lawson, and thank you for bringing it to us AKM. I’m a ‘word’ person too, a typographer (retired).

  23. futurexpat? says:

    I got through one page, but enjoyed just watching the edits on the rest of the pages.

    As an editor, I would have to say this was just painful.

  24. strangelet says:

    That really was a lot of fun. I went through the first couple of pages quite closely, trying to see if the edits were reasonable. In general, I thought they were. Indeed, if it were MY speech, I’d say all the style edits were great, and I’d be trying to remember how drunk I was when I drafted it.

    However, I do think that in a few cases, the style edits were overdone, given that it was, in fact, Palin’s speech. This is a loon addressing other loons. Some of the convoluted syntax exists in order to use code-words or -phrases. It’s not really fair to convert those sections to standard English — if Palin wanted to make speeches in standard English, I’m sure she could hire someone capable of producing them.

  25. Kat says:

    ADN has the Vanity Fair “Edited” edition of $carah’s speech too. As usual the trolls are praising her as being a real person and not speaking like a robot using a telepromper (another Obama slam). I commented that if she had not used a professional speechwriter and a teleprompter at the RNC convention, and had written her own speech, the delegates would have run screaming in horror out the door and her
    “star” wouldn’t have gotten off the ground. But then, knowing the intelligence of her followers, I reflect – it really wouldn’t have made a difference.

    I’m in love with Wayne Lawson & the other editors too, also, you betcha!!!!

  26. phoebe says:

    #75 pacos_gal

    Hopefully by the spring 2010 no one will care.

  27. pacos_gal says:

    I saw this the day it came out and must say, it was love at first sight.

    I am completely convinced after viewing this rewrite, that her ghost writer will be doing All of the writing on her book, while SP will probably stick to voice recorded thoughts. If not, I feel hugely sorry for the poor editors at Harpers who will basically be writing the book themselves.

    hmm, they might need more time than spring of 2010 for a release though. This is a huge undertaking.

    I would love to hear a published writers thoughts on this.

  28. Carol.Seattle says:

    In reading the Vanity Fair “Edited” edition of SP’s speech, it was impossible not to be amazed that someone could actually make something sensible out of her word garbage. What a difference intelligence makes in the end result (although no difference in the actions themselves nor the motives behind them.

  29. Cassie Jeep Pike Palin says:

    Granny– I googled her a few weeks ago re: this very complaint.

    She just seems like an ordinary person, Alaskan, not a blogger (that I could see) who felt the legal fund was wrong.

    Try google…sorry, can’t remember the town she’s from…

  30. manoloho says:

    OMG, how funny. I wonder if any of her former English profs (she DID have to take English to get that degree, right?) cringe whenever she opens her mouth.

  31. mlaiuppa says:

    Well, I always thought Sarah slept her way to a degree. That’s why she had to keep changing colleges.

  32. phoebe says:

    #58 TXChick

    I saw that ….keep those ethics complaints coming Alaskans. There are still a few more days left.

  33. Nebraska Native says:

    Have so enjoyed the editorial red pen… what a relief, love the fact checking too! Don’t know what the blue comments mean, was not journalism or even English major… terrific article, and I am so grateful 🙂 Go Wayne et al!

  34. samper says:

    OOPS! Sorry! That was OT!!!!!

    HUGE apologies, AKM!

  35. samper says:

    Do we have to do the Red Shirt Hate Fest tonite?

  36. granny68 says:

    Sorry about the OT, but this is big over at HuffPo. : )

  37. BooBooBear says:

    I see Mr. “Green Pen” mentions Matanuska Maid Dairy on page one. Still a huge story there just under the surface. Hope the IRS is on that one. Kristan Cole (Chairwoman of the Board of Agriculture) was running that little scam, too. Director of Agriculture, Franci Havemeister was very involved as well.

  38. Wasilla Warrior says:

    The Misuse of funds from and the establishing of the legal defense fund is sticking to the wall !!!! Channel 2 update on my E-mail !!!

  39. granny68 says:

    Does anyone know who Kim Chatman is? Looks like her ethics charge against $$arah is going to stick (re Alaska Trust Fund).

  40. pdx mb says:

    Wonderful LOL moments.

    As long as we’re speaking of grammar, may I just say that people are “who”s and not “that”s… For example, “She is the governor who was known for spewing word salad,” not “She was the governor that was know for …” Sorry, big pet peeve for me (o:

  41. BodieP says:

    I gave up on actually reading it and just sort of enjoyed that page as a purely visual experience–kind of a word person’s “Playgirl,” I guess.

  42. Diane says:

    I was just going to link to this, read it during dinner, it was hysterical!
    Then this;
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PALIN IMPLICATED IN ETHICS PROBE!!!!!!!!!
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/21/palin-implicated-in-ethic_n_242281.html

    Just had a storm and what a rainbow, thought again about the wonderful previous post!

  43. samper says:

    I just got a little “tingle” “down there”!

    I am wondering the same thing… how in the WORLD does a JOURNALISM major create this kind of garbage!?!?

    Local Detroit picked up the latest on the AFT… and our NBC affiliate NEVER picks up on her, no matter WHAT she does.

    I think the toast has all but burned.

  44. TXChick4Obama says:

    AP states that Palin is being implicated in ethics probe – why is this not front and center!!!!

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090721/ap_on_re_us/us_palin_ethics_complaint

  45. J-Dog says:

    Beautiful job of editing Palin’s 6th grade work.

  46. Lori in Los Angeles says:

    My favorite part was the last word of the last page being crossed out.
    It said (“applause”).

  47. JRC says:

    As a former editor myself, my hat goes off to Mr. Lawson. No way in hell would I have wanted to tackle that tangled verbal mess that she called a Resignation Speech.

  48. madeinalaska says:

    I think I do, too.

  49. phoebe says:

    I love him also, too!!!

  50. clydedog says:

    I used to have a secretary that did this kind of editing for me ( and I allways gave her the credit). I do like to think that even my most hurried chicken scratches were a better start than SPs. At least my facts were straight. This proves why even great speech writers use editors and advisors.

  51. greatgrammy1 says:

    Has anyone ever seen her diploma or proof of her supposed degree in Journalism? I can’t believe any school would be so irresponsible for her ignorance. I don’t know how many educators comment here but If the school I was affiliated with did something like this and gave such an unqualified person a diploma and degree, they would probably lose their creditation and should be ashamed and embarassed. I cannot believe she has a degree unless she purchased a fake one on line.

  52. BJA says:

    I’m learning how to channel my inner Sarah when I need to respond to questions about her. Just today, when asked if Wayne Lawson gave Sarah an F on her speech, I replied in my best Palinese:

    Hard workin’ Americans, veterans who serve our country so bravely, are lookin’ north to the great state of Alaska to see just what kind of grade these elitist English teachers and editors might give someone like me who writes these speeches from the heart just like I’ve always done because God and faith and just talkin’ to real people are so important to me and to my little baby Trig, who I did not abort, and I also just keep prayin’ that the good folks of America will give me an A+ because they know I’m out there fightin’ for them every single day which I’ll continue to do even when I don’t have a title which I really don’t need to be popular or to fight for the energy independence and the national security this country needs also.

    Wayne … breathe into the bag. You don’t have to edit this. Also.

  53. Mirage 18 says:

    I was hoping for the edited version in typed form at the end. Who knows – it might have made sense, although it might have ended up to be the opposite of what Sarah had in mind….whatever that might have been. (I think my comment is ripe for a VF edit) 😉

  54. HistoryGoddess says:

    Grammar Geeks,
    For those of you who grew up with Warriner’s Grammar books, here is an older Slate article that challenges people to diagram Palin’s sentences. There was also a contest going for awhile, but I will have to track it down.
    http://www.slate.com/id/2201158/

    (I agree with all previous comments. All the editing pages have already been saved and copies made. I will be doing some laminating, as will scores of other teachers out there.)

  55. nswfm CA says:

    In fact, I remember seeing an 8-panel brochure getting 14 pages of comments because the guy who was the market manager for the product was as big a pants-on-fire liar as Gov Iquitarod.

  56. nswfm CA says:

    We had people in the Law Dept that would do this to the Marketing Dept when I worked in NYC. People still edit by hand, and to me, it’s much more satisfying to see this ON PAPER! Whooo HOOO!

  57. Ruby Re-Usable says:

    love the green pen/fact checker! lets hear it for the power of the green pen!!

  58. mlaiuppa says:

    I think you need to give a hat tip to the research department too. Did you see how many times they had to basically say “that’s misleading, you can’t say that”?

  59. Bella the Bunny Girl says:

    So, question…. if there’s a finding about her use of legal fund moneys to pay her ethics charge bills, that would mean the $500K claim would be subjected to scrutiny and public disclosure, hopefully? So if there’s anything about the bill that’s not ::snicker:: on the up-and-up, like she’s wildly exaggerating the cost, or the lawyer is padding the bill outrageously – and right now I’m 50/50 as to which scenario is more likely – then can we hope that leads to more grief and legal hassles for either/both Palin and lawyer?

    Or to keep it on topic – oh my, this should make the goodbye speech even more …fun to watch than the resignation speech.

  60. bubbles says:

    ok martha uys going to look now

  61. bubbles says:

    oh my. i hope those editors will recover from the word salad. bless ’em.

  62. Martha Unalaska Yard Sign says:

    I guess this IS OT, so I’m in big trouble! I put a link to Ann Strongheart’s new post on the Open Thread. It’s definitely worth a look if you are following her story…

  63. Star says:

    stick a fork in her…she’s done..he he

  64. antiAnti says:

    Wayne Lawson resurrected the ghosts of my teachers chanting “use active voice”. No longer the carefree commenter, I slink back to the shadows.

  65. Mel says:

    Do they really edit by hand these days? Or was this just for special viewing? I used to edit like these folks. Now most editors I know use tracking and sticky notes on the computer, and I thought the hand symbols were a thing of the past. This sample is really suitable for framing! Must have taken hours…and I think I even see some Liquid Paper (aka white out). METICULOUSNESS! So underappreciated. My spellcheck underlined underappreciated…but it’s in my old Merriam Webster. Spellcheck also underlined spellcheck!!

  66. Star says:

    ethics prob…naw.. not $arah…lmbo…

  67. Bella the Bunny Girl says:

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32050290/ns/politics-more_politics/

    Is that the crunchy sound of an iceberg hitting??

  68. zyggy says:

    lol AKM, I love your heart.

    Ah, her speech went from word salad to shredded cole slaw.

  69. FW says:

    Looks like somethings sticking to the teflon queen of the arctic:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/21/palin-implicated-in-ethic_n_242281.html

  70. MeAgain says:

    ICEBERG IS HERE!!!!

    Palin Implicated In Ethics Probe
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/21/palin-implicated-in-ethic_n_242281.html

  71. sjk from the belly of the plane says:

    OT; Palin Implicated in Ethics probe!!!!

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090721/ap_on_re_us/us_palin_ethics_complaint_3

  72. antiAnti says:

    At my third re-read, I started getting scared. With a good editor, Palin might have sounded good enough to get the veep spot. I _really_ hope Lawson doesn’t free lance.

  73. Claw Washout Palin says:

    She spoke so fast that I never realized that her speech was that long.

  74. LiladyNY says:

    OMG. What a monumental task. I kept thinking about one of those crazy football play charts with lines and arrows going all over the place! I wonder how long it took them to edit this “speech”. I wonder how many drinks they had afterward? My head was spinning just reading the edits and re-edits. Woo Hoo! Big kudos to the green-penned fact checker! Finally someone with gonads to call her out. Journalism Major my patootie!

  75. UK Lady says:

    ManxMamm@20

    Brilliant! The Onion ar so gonna love that!

    Bill Krystal couldn’t find his own nose if he had a cold.

  76. FW says:

    Well, it’s obvious Palin writes her own speeches. She should demand a tuition refund from the Universities of Hawaii, Idaho, and wherever else she attended because it’s all their fault she can’t write!

  77. aussiegal77 says:

    @ nebraska mudflatter:

    “But the red lines through “(Applause)” and “END”!!!”

    I KNOW!!! That was a LOL moment for me as well =D

    Note to Palin – it’s not a quiz show, you dunce!

  78. Fern says:

    Smooches to KateinCanada for “forensic editing”!

  79. aussiegal77 says:

    I heart Wayne too!

    I had such fun reading that article =D

    My other fave parts were the Green notes crossing out erroneous statements and noting others that were “misleading”. Which pretty much sums up Palin: Erroneous and/or Misleading. And also, lies.

    =D

  80. Irishgirl says:

    Well, I am a smoker and I am puffing furiously in front of the computer, something I try not to do. I loved them all, the red, the green and the blue pens…an orgy! 🙂
    As Lurker said, it was great seeing the editors editing each other. That was not an easy task, but I’ll bet they had some fun doing it.
    What amazed me was the fact that she couldn’t even get her tenses right.

  81. Seagull Junker Palin says:

    Hat’s off to the green pen – the FACT CHECKER.

    The one that matters!!!!

  82. ManxMamma says:

    oops… I of course meant Lawson – my Boston accent always gets the better of me!

  83. Reesie says:

    David Shuster has just reported that Palin may have violated ethic laws for using the trust fund for personal use. Stay tuned.

  84. ManxMamma says:

    I know this is OT, but I think it’s hysterical that the Weekly Standard (Bill Krystal’s baby) has twittered this: “Onion Sold to China: They’re getting out ahead of the F-22 decision, and they still have their editorial indepen.. http://snipurl.com/no4nz
    25 minutes ago from twitterfeed ” Don’t they realize the Onion is all about satire and if you look at the opening page it’s so clearly a joke! I also too loved Wayne Larson’s edit!

  85. Reesie says:

    Watch the news. It’s being reported on MSNBC that Palin may have violated ethics laws using the trust fund.

  86. antiAnti says:

    @ oregonbird – unadulterated dreck
    lol

  87. M. Bergert says:

    I loved seeing how well are “Journalist Major” performed. I want to see her Degee and her transcripts! It certainly doesn’t speak highly for her school.

  88. oregonbird says:

    Think of how deeply satisfied Lawson must feel; for once, his work is visible and appreciated. Editors are like drummers — they work in the background, and the band would be lost without them. They get paid a lot less.

    But without them, we get HP Halfblood Prince and Deathly Hallows. Pure, unadulterated dreck. We get Palin.

    And if she ever gets a real editor, we’re scr@wed.

  89. tigerwine says:

    Not only did they correct grammar and bad syntax, they corrected facts! Loved it when it was pointed out that Seward was serving in Andrew Johnson’s cabinet, (not Lincoln’s) when Alaska was purchased. And she just got back from a Seward’s Day event!

  90. nebraska mudflatter says:

    I have to say that green pen person has my heart thumpin” (oops, wrong word in this context maybe!).

    But the red lines through “(Applause)” and “END”!!!

  91. KateinCanada says:

    Wonderful! Forensic editing, after the speech died, but still a vast difference.

  92. pvazwindy says:

    Well, we all know how she loves red.

  93. pvazwindy says:

    Well, we all know how she loves red.

  94. antiAnti says:

    auughhh – she’s previewing the last govs speech via twitter

  95. antiAnti says:

    auughhh – she’s previewing the last govs speech via twitter

  96. MimiC says:

    My grammar students and I, during the presidential campaign, would sob, “We beg you, just once, add a predicate!”

  97. MimiC says:

    My grammar students and I, during the presidential campaign, would sob, “We beg you, just once, add a predicate!”

  98. LurkerInWI says:

    I just finished wading through that nightmare of a speech. Loved the fact checks. Loved the red pen (and blue! and green!). Loved how the editors had to edit each other, since editing the original proved to be so distinctly difficult! Such tangled prose… and such patience.

  99. LurkerInWI says:

    I just finished wading through that nightmare of a speech. Loved the fact checks. Loved the red pen (and blue! and green!). Loved how the editors had to edit each other, since editing the original proved to be so distinctly difficult! Such tangled prose… and such patience.

  100. Hooray for coherent writing! I am so glad someone else took on this task, Sarah’s speech makes any self respecting writer, editor or teacher want to get down and dirty fixing all those painful errors and convoluted sentences.

  101. Hooray for coherent writing! I am so glad someone else took on this task, Sarah’s speech makes any self respecting writer, editor or teacher want to get down and dirty fixing all those painful errors and convoluted sentences.

  102. Ennealogic says:

    lol problem child, saw your post after I wrote mine.. 🙂 *high five*

  103. Ennealogic says:

    lol problem child, saw your post after I wrote mine.. 🙂 *high five*

  104. Leota2 says:

    I think I wept after one and a half pages. My inner editor was overcome with
    joy . . . .

  105. Leota2 says:

    I think I wept after one and a half pages. My inner editor was overcome with
    joy . . . .

  106. Ennealogic says:

    I also really like whoever used the green pen — the fact-checker person makes my brain stand up and shout Yippee!

  107. Ennealogic says:

    I also really like whoever used the green pen — the fact-checker person makes my brain stand up and shout Yippee!

  108. CO almost native says:

    oops. typo. “Lawson”. Must get the name right 😉

  109. CO almost native says:

    oops. typo. “Lawson”. Must get the name right 😉

  110. the problem child says:

    I actually have a bit of a crush on anonymous green-penned research fact checker person, now you mention it…

  111. InJuneau says:

    WheeHoo! I love people with red pens!

  112. the problem child says:

    I actually have a bit of a crush on anonymous green-penned research fact checker person, now you mention it…

  113. InJuneau says:

    WheeHoo! I love people with red pens!

  114. CO almost native says:

    Let me be the first, as a retired English teacher, to agree- I *heart* Wayne Larson. He did to Palin what I always wanted to do to my snarkiest, laziest high school students.

  115. CO almost native says:

    Let me be the first, as a retired English teacher, to agree- I *heart* Wayne Larson. He did to Palin what I always wanted to do to my snarkiest, laziest high school students.