I Think I Love Wayne Lawson.
This headline may come as a shock to my spouse, so let me say right off the bat, that I’ve never actually met him, nor do I know the inner workings of his heart. I don’t know his favorite food, or his secret childhood dreams. I would not even recognize him if I passed him on the street. (taking a big deep breath) I have a grammatical crush. It’s a little embarrassing really, but after you check out the following link, you may understand why.
Before you click, if you are a word person, and if you have felt like a bug on a pin, writhing in agony every time you have listened to Sarah Palin open her mouth and speechify, and if you have wanted to bang your head on the desk in frustration wondering not only how she could write such gobbledy-gook, but who let her stand up there and say it out loud, you may want to get some kind of folding fan, or a cool cloth for your neck before you look at this. If you smoke, have ’em ready for when you’re done.
OK…here goes.
And yes, I know that my babbling run-on sentence up above would no doubt be subjected to Mr. Lawson’s brilliant red pen, but I’m in love so you’ll just have to forgive me. The grammatical section of my brain has just been swept off its feet. I think I need some water.
[And that green pen and blue pen ain’t bad either…]
That was beautiful.
Thanks for posting it.
It is refreshing to see some people are turned off enough by her wordiness that they correct it instead of emulating it !! 😉
I have a hard time in a lot of the comment sections because people run around typing like her, thinking it is cute. It’s not cute when she does it and it is even less cute, when intelligent people who know better do it.
I’m thinking of creating “Palin Free” awards for websites who can speak about her without speaking like her. Of course, I’ll award the first one to myself!!!!
Four days and counting…
Truly, that was fun!!!!!!!
Chaim (85)
“…personal prosody…”
And not just Wayne Lawson, either.
Eek!
That’s “… three websites’ worth…”
(right? yes? let’s just say i had to do a lot of editing)
Wayne Lawson gave me an English spanking, and i’ve been re-reading and editing three websites worth of paragraphs.
My software end-users thank you, Wayne.
I wonder if Sarah’s feelings got hurt? I bet she will blame Wayne Lawson for her stupid speech. AND ALSO, this is a woman who won’t accept any criticism of her ignorance. I hope someone sends her the edited version of her speech.
What a delightful post! And WAY TO GO Wayne! Your work illustrates her as terribly uneducated & unprofessional, with regard to this speech.
She sounds like a redneck hillbilly to me, saying most things twice, & with way too many small connector words. Too much nonsense jargon, like not being “wired” this way.
Definately, not ready for prime time. Hey, maybe she decided to go back to school? Yeah I know, too optimistic….. Thanks AKM.
Read parts but to many write outs to read the whole thing. How anyone could think that was a good speech is beyond me. I freak out in front of people and I think I could have done better.By the way I believe there are only three kids at home right now so where is she getting the four years and one hello year.The babies can’t talk.It sure looked like Todd did not know what was going on so it could not have been him as one and I don’t think it would be all that easy to get hold of someone in Iraq.
This reminds me of my teaching days. Going over papers written by the back row bunch. Terribly sad. Thinking that this group was never going to get it, never going to understand.
I only made it halfway through and needed Ketamine.
I only made it halfway through and needed a smoke!
Today’s editing is brought to you by SHARPIE and the colors red, green, and blue:)
No to Palin @5:27, No need for shame, I also have posted comments that I go back and re-read and think ‘dang’. In fact, it happens more than I would like to admit. The important thing is that you’re aware of it.
This is very funny. I think the brilliant red pen could make my writing more colorful.
And I was so ashamed of my misuse of Your/You’re when I suggested “Your (sic) so Vain” for the Screen Door Sunday! In the spirit of Palin, I’ll blame it on somebody else (how about Palin?) and state for the record that I was channeling the grammar-challenged soon-to-be-ex-barely-half-a-term Governor all too well.
Dang!
@77 Pacos_gal
I’m a published writer, but as an editor of books (i.e. compiled essays). I’ve done some heavy duty editing in my day. I had to basically re-write a book that was written by a man who’s first language was not English, so…there is some parity. lol
With a different language, not all of the thoughts are clear, so a lot of interpretation happens. Essentially one is taking the kernel of an idea and writing it in one’s own words with a hefty dose of your own thoughts. It’s not easy.
I’m in love with Wayne Lawson also, too!
Happy AK Screen Door Day on July 26 everyone!
Whoa, AKM! If “the grammatical section of [your] brain has just been swept off its feet,” you need to turn down that metaphoric Mixmaster before it splatters all over your prose.
The editing job points out just how bad the original was, but — if poetry is what is lost in translation, what was lost in the editing was her ineffably hapless, yet effingly hopeless, self-parodying personal prosody. With that gone, nothing remained. The speech still doesn’t offer a coherent explanation for her resignation. If it no longer grates upon the reader’s sense of proper English, it continues to grate on the reader’s sense of facts and logic. Like an immaculately restored Yugo, it’s still junk.
Perhaps deeper meanings were excised as well. When Sarah said, “And someday I’ll talk about the details of that,” how she polled her kids and received “four yeses and one “hell, yeah,” was she not promising to explain just who her five children are? After all, Trig at fifteen months is not likely to have expressed an opinion on the question. And it would also be interesting to learn why she didn’t consult Todd. Just sayin …
In my opinion there is nothing more beautiful than reading or listening to well constructed English. It is a wonderful language I think. Pity Sarah has no idea how to use it.
I’m an editor, too (also?), and the reworking of her speech makes me smile. Just goes to show a good editor can sometimes make a silk purse out of a pig’s ear.
The blue edits are by the copyeditors, who are concerned with punctuation, agreement of noun and verbs, making sure all abbreviations are defined, etc. Their changes seem a bit more cryptic because they are in proofreading shorthand.
Great work Mr Lawson, and thank you for bringing it to us AKM. I’m a ‘word’ person too, a typographer (retired).
I got through one page, but enjoyed just watching the edits on the rest of the pages.
As an editor, I would have to say this was just painful.
That really was a lot of fun. I went through the first couple of pages quite closely, trying to see if the edits were reasonable. In general, I thought they were. Indeed, if it were MY speech, I’d say all the style edits were great, and I’d be trying to remember how drunk I was when I drafted it.
However, I do think that in a few cases, the style edits were overdone, given that it was, in fact, Palin’s speech. This is a loon addressing other loons. Some of the convoluted syntax exists in order to use code-words or -phrases. It’s not really fair to convert those sections to standard English — if Palin wanted to make speeches in standard English, I’m sure she could hire someone capable of producing them.
ADN has the Vanity Fair “Edited” edition of $carah’s speech too. As usual the trolls are praising her as being a real person and not speaking like a robot using a telepromper (another Obama slam). I commented that if she had not used a professional speechwriter and a teleprompter at the RNC convention, and had written her own speech, the delegates would have run screaming in horror out the door and her
“star” wouldn’t have gotten off the ground. But then, knowing the intelligence of her followers, I reflect – it really wouldn’t have made a difference.
I’m in love with Wayne Lawson & the other editors too, also, you betcha!!!!
#75 pacos_gal
Hopefully by the spring 2010 no one will care.
I saw this the day it came out and must say, it was love at first sight.
I am completely convinced after viewing this rewrite, that her ghost writer will be doing All of the writing on her book, while SP will probably stick to voice recorded thoughts. If not, I feel hugely sorry for the poor editors at Harpers who will basically be writing the book themselves.
hmm, they might need more time than spring of 2010 for a release though. This is a huge undertaking.
I would love to hear a published writers thoughts on this.
In reading the Vanity Fair “Edited” edition of SP’s speech, it was impossible not to be amazed that someone could actually make something sensible out of her word garbage. What a difference intelligence makes in the end result (although no difference in the actions themselves nor the motives behind them.
Granny– I googled her a few weeks ago re: this very complaint.
She just seems like an ordinary person, Alaskan, not a blogger (that I could see) who felt the legal fund was wrong.
Try google…sorry, can’t remember the town she’s from…
OMG, how funny. I wonder if any of her former English profs (she DID have to take English to get that degree, right?) cringe whenever she opens her mouth.
Well, I always thought Sarah slept her way to a degree. That’s why she had to keep changing colleges.
#58 TXChick
I saw that ….keep those ethics complaints coming Alaskans. There are still a few more days left.
Have so enjoyed the editorial red pen… what a relief, love the fact checking too! Don’t know what the blue comments mean, was not journalism or even English major… terrific article, and I am so grateful 🙂 Go Wayne et al!
OOPS! Sorry! That was OT!!!!!
HUGE apologies, AKM!
Do we have to do the Red Shirt Hate Fest tonite?
Sorry about the OT, but this is big over at HuffPo. : )
I see Mr. “Green Pen” mentions Matanuska Maid Dairy on page one. Still a huge story there just under the surface. Hope the IRS is on that one. Kristan Cole (Chairwoman of the Board of Agriculture) was running that little scam, too. Director of Agriculture, Franci Havemeister was very involved as well.
The Misuse of funds from and the establishing of the legal defense fund is sticking to the wall !!!! Channel 2 update on my E-mail !!!
Does anyone know who Kim Chatman is? Looks like her ethics charge against $$arah is going to stick (re Alaska Trust Fund).
Wonderful LOL moments.
As long as we’re speaking of grammar, may I just say that people are “who”s and not “that”s… For example, “She is the governor who was known for spewing word salad,” not “She was the governor that was know for …” Sorry, big pet peeve for me (o:
I gave up on actually reading it and just sort of enjoyed that page as a purely visual experience–kind of a word person’s “Playgirl,” I guess.
I was just going to link to this, read it during dinner, it was hysterical!
Then this;
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PALIN IMPLICATED IN ETHICS PROBE!!!!!!!!!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/21/palin-implicated-in-ethic_n_242281.html
Just had a storm and what a rainbow, thought again about the wonderful previous post!
I just got a little “tingle” “down there”!
I am wondering the same thing… how in the WORLD does a JOURNALISM major create this kind of garbage!?!?
Local Detroit picked up the latest on the AFT… and our NBC affiliate NEVER picks up on her, no matter WHAT she does.
I think the toast has all but burned.
AP states that Palin is being implicated in ethics probe – why is this not front and center!!!!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090721/ap_on_re_us/us_palin_ethics_complaint
Beautiful job of editing Palin’s 6th grade work.
My favorite part was the last word of the last page being crossed out.
It said (“applause”).
As a former editor myself, my hat goes off to Mr. Lawson. No way in hell would I have wanted to tackle that tangled verbal mess that she called a Resignation Speech.
I think I do, too.
I love him also, too!!!
I used to have a secretary that did this kind of editing for me ( and I allways gave her the credit). I do like to think that even my most hurried chicken scratches were a better start than SPs. At least my facts were straight. This proves why even great speech writers use editors and advisors.
Has anyone ever seen her diploma or proof of her supposed degree in Journalism? I can’t believe any school would be so irresponsible for her ignorance. I don’t know how many educators comment here but If the school I was affiliated with did something like this and gave such an unqualified person a diploma and degree, they would probably lose their creditation and should be ashamed and embarassed. I cannot believe she has a degree unless she purchased a fake one on line.
I’m learning how to channel my inner Sarah when I need to respond to questions about her. Just today, when asked if Wayne Lawson gave Sarah an F on her speech, I replied in my best Palinese:
Wayne … breathe into the bag. You don’t have to edit this. Also.
I was hoping for the edited version in typed form at the end. Who knows – it might have made sense, although it might have ended up to be the opposite of what Sarah had in mind….whatever that might have been. (I think my comment is ripe for a VF edit) 😉
Grammar Geeks,
For those of you who grew up with Warriner’s Grammar books, here is an older Slate article that challenges people to diagram Palin’s sentences. There was also a contest going for awhile, but I will have to track it down.
http://www.slate.com/id/2201158/
(I agree with all previous comments. All the editing pages have already been saved and copies made. I will be doing some laminating, as will scores of other teachers out there.)
In fact, I remember seeing an 8-panel brochure getting 14 pages of comments because the guy who was the market manager for the product was as big a pants-on-fire liar as Gov Iquitarod.
We had people in the Law Dept that would do this to the Marketing Dept when I worked in NYC. People still edit by hand, and to me, it’s much more satisfying to see this ON PAPER! Whooo HOOO!
love the green pen/fact checker! lets hear it for the power of the green pen!!
I think you need to give a hat tip to the research department too. Did you see how many times they had to basically say “that’s misleading, you can’t say that”?
So, question…. if there’s a finding about her use of legal fund moneys to pay her ethics charge bills, that would mean the $500K claim would be subjected to scrutiny and public disclosure, hopefully? So if there’s anything about the bill that’s not ::snicker:: on the up-and-up, like she’s wildly exaggerating the cost, or the lawyer is padding the bill outrageously – and right now I’m 50/50 as to which scenario is more likely – then can we hope that leads to more grief and legal hassles for either/both Palin and lawyer?
Or to keep it on topic – oh my, this should make the goodbye speech even more …fun to watch than the resignation speech.
ok martha uys going to look now
oh my. i hope those editors will recover from the word salad. bless ’em.
I guess this IS OT, so I’m in big trouble! I put a link to Ann Strongheart’s new post on the Open Thread. It’s definitely worth a look if you are following her story…
stick a fork in her…she’s done..he he
Wayne Lawson resurrected the ghosts of my teachers chanting “use active voice”. No longer the carefree commenter, I slink back to the shadows.
Do they really edit by hand these days? Or was this just for special viewing? I used to edit like these folks. Now most editors I know use tracking and sticky notes on the computer, and I thought the hand symbols were a thing of the past. This sample is really suitable for framing! Must have taken hours…and I think I even see some Liquid Paper (aka white out). METICULOUSNESS! So underappreciated. My spellcheck underlined underappreciated…but it’s in my old Merriam Webster. Spellcheck also underlined spellcheck!!
ethics prob…naw.. not $arah…lmbo…
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32050290/ns/politics-more_politics/
Is that the crunchy sound of an iceberg hitting??
lol AKM, I love your heart.
Ah, her speech went from word salad to shredded cole slaw.
Looks like somethings sticking to the teflon queen of the arctic:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/21/palin-implicated-in-ethic_n_242281.html
ICEBERG IS HERE!!!!
Palin Implicated In Ethics Probe
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/21/palin-implicated-in-ethic_n_242281.html
OT; Palin Implicated in Ethics probe!!!!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090721/ap_on_re_us/us_palin_ethics_complaint_3
At my third re-read, I started getting scared. With a good editor, Palin might have sounded good enough to get the veep spot. I _really_ hope Lawson doesn’t free lance.
She spoke so fast that I never realized that her speech was that long.
OMG. What a monumental task. I kept thinking about one of those crazy football play charts with lines and arrows going all over the place! I wonder how long it took them to edit this “speech”. I wonder how many drinks they had afterward? My head was spinning just reading the edits and re-edits. Woo Hoo! Big kudos to the green-penned fact checker! Finally someone with gonads to call her out. Journalism Major my patootie!
ManxMamm@20
Brilliant! The Onion ar so gonna love that!
Bill Krystal couldn’t find his own nose if he had a cold.
Well, it’s obvious Palin writes her own speeches. She should demand a tuition refund from the Universities of Hawaii, Idaho, and wherever else she attended because it’s all their fault she can’t write!
@ nebraska mudflatter:
“But the red lines through “(Applause)” and “END”!!!”
I KNOW!!! That was a LOL moment for me as well =D
Note to Palin – it’s not a quiz show, you dunce!
Smooches to KateinCanada for “forensic editing”!
I heart Wayne too!
I had such fun reading that article =D
My other fave parts were the Green notes crossing out erroneous statements and noting others that were “misleading”. Which pretty much sums up Palin: Erroneous and/or Misleading. And also, lies.
=D
Well, I am a smoker and I am puffing furiously in front of the computer, something I try not to do. I loved them all, the red, the green and the blue pens…an orgy! 🙂
As Lurker said, it was great seeing the editors editing each other. That was not an easy task, but I’ll bet they had some fun doing it.
What amazed me was the fact that she couldn’t even get her tenses right.
Hat’s off to the green pen – the FACT CHECKER.
The one that matters!!!!
oops… I of course meant Lawson – my Boston accent always gets the better of me!
David Shuster has just reported that Palin may have violated ethic laws for using the trust fund for personal use. Stay tuned.
I know this is OT, but I think it’s hysterical that the Weekly Standard (Bill Krystal’s baby) has twittered this: “Onion Sold to China: They’re getting out ahead of the F-22 decision, and they still have their editorial indepen.. http://snipurl.com/no4nz
25 minutes ago from twitterfeed ” Don’t they realize the Onion is all about satire and if you look at the opening page it’s so clearly a joke! I also too loved Wayne Larson’s edit!
Watch the news. It’s being reported on MSNBC that Palin may have violated ethics laws using the trust fund.
@ oregonbird – unadulterated dreck
lol
I loved seeing how well are “Journalist Major” performed. I want to see her Degee and her transcripts! It certainly doesn’t speak highly for her school.
Think of how deeply satisfied Lawson must feel; for once, his work is visible and appreciated. Editors are like drummers — they work in the background, and the band would be lost without them. They get paid a lot less.
But without them, we get HP Halfblood Prince and Deathly Hallows. Pure, unadulterated dreck. We get Palin.
And if she ever gets a real editor, we’re scr@wed.
Not only did they correct grammar and bad syntax, they corrected facts! Loved it when it was pointed out that Seward was serving in Andrew Johnson’s cabinet, (not Lincoln’s) when Alaska was purchased. And she just got back from a Seward’s Day event!
I have to say that green pen person has my heart thumpin” (oops, wrong word in this context maybe!).
But the red lines through “(Applause)” and “END”!!!
Wonderful! Forensic editing, after the speech died, but still a vast difference.
Well, we all know how she loves red.
Well, we all know how she loves red.
auughhh – she’s previewing the last govs speech via twitter
auughhh – she’s previewing the last govs speech via twitter
My grammar students and I, during the presidential campaign, would sob, “We beg you, just once, add a predicate!”
My grammar students and I, during the presidential campaign, would sob, “We beg you, just once, add a predicate!”
I just finished wading through that nightmare of a speech. Loved the fact checks. Loved the red pen (and blue! and green!). Loved how the editors had to edit each other, since editing the original proved to be so distinctly difficult! Such tangled prose… and such patience.
I just finished wading through that nightmare of a speech. Loved the fact checks. Loved the red pen (and blue! and green!). Loved how the editors had to edit each other, since editing the original proved to be so distinctly difficult! Such tangled prose… and such patience.
Hooray for coherent writing! I am so glad someone else took on this task, Sarah’s speech makes any self respecting writer, editor or teacher want to get down and dirty fixing all those painful errors and convoluted sentences.
Hooray for coherent writing! I am so glad someone else took on this task, Sarah’s speech makes any self respecting writer, editor or teacher want to get down and dirty fixing all those painful errors and convoluted sentences.
lol problem child, saw your post after I wrote mine.. 🙂 *high five*
lol problem child, saw your post after I wrote mine.. 🙂 *high five*
I think I wept after one and a half pages. My inner editor was overcome with
joy . . . .
I think I wept after one and a half pages. My inner editor was overcome with
joy . . . .
I also really like whoever used the green pen — the fact-checker person makes my brain stand up and shout Yippee!
I also really like whoever used the green pen — the fact-checker person makes my brain stand up and shout Yippee!
oops. typo. “Lawson”. Must get the name right 😉
oops. typo. “Lawson”. Must get the name right 😉
I actually have a bit of a crush on anonymous green-penned research fact checker person, now you mention it…
WheeHoo! I love people with red pens!
I actually have a bit of a crush on anonymous green-penned research fact checker person, now you mention it…
WheeHoo! I love people with red pens!
Let me be the first, as a retired English teacher, to agree- I *heart* Wayne Larson. He did to Palin what I always wanted to do to my snarkiest, laziest high school students.
Let me be the first, as a retired English teacher, to agree- I *heart* Wayne Larson. He did to Palin what I always wanted to do to my snarkiest, laziest high school students.