Open Thread – Cemeteries
Today I said a final farewell to someone who was dear to me. It was a difficult and sad day, but a beautiful ceremony on base with military custom, shined shoes, folded flag, gun salutes, and gratitude for service. There is a new soul sleeping in the front row tonight, and knowing him he’s made friends with all the neighbors already.
It seems I have spent an inordinate amount of time in cemeteries this year. I like them. There is something serene and peaceful there. I talked to a night watchman at a cemetery once. He said he used to be a prison guard, and he liked his new job better because the residents were quiet and never gave him any trouble. I believe that’s what they call “graveyard humor.”
After the burial, I walked for a while among the rows of marble stones showing name, rank, conflicts they had served in, religious affiliation, dates of birth and death, and sometimes a short few lines at the bottom – a sentence to sum up a life. Some said simply “Beloved Husband, Brother, and Grandfather” but many talked about Alaska. “The final chapter of his great Alaskan adventure” “Back in Alaska at last” “He loved Alaska and Alaska loved him” “Alaska Pioneer, Mother and Pilot”. There were so many whose one sentence lives were defined by their sense of place. Alaska will do that to people. It gets in the bones, if you’ll pardon the metaphor. I can’t be certain, but I doubt you’ll find too many “He loved Delaware and Delaware loved him” or “The final chapter of his Maryland adventure” tomb stones.
And then, I thought of all the people sleeping below, and what those that loved them would give to have them back, even for just a day. Would they get the chance to say goodbye that they never had? Would they take back a harsh word? Would they go to a ball game, or go flying, or fishing? Surely there would be lots of hugging going on. How precious would one day be if it was given as a gift? It would be the most precious thing in the world, and not a second would be squandered. I imagined to myself that it would be a day where every impression of the senses would be exalted – grass underfoot, an ice cream cone, the mountains, the voice of a beloved, the feeling of wind, or a sweet kiss. No one would waste time with regret. Regret is for the living that forget how short life is.
My ten-year old came up to me and hugged my arm. “You’re the most awesomest mom ever,” he said wistfully with big eyes. I gave him a living hug that was filled to brimming with all my thoughts. “I think you just crushed my brain,” he said.
I like cemeteries. Even though the residents are quiet and don’t cause trouble, they are valuable teachers if we listen.
btw AKM my next visit I will be watching for a line on a headstone about TX. Bet I find one. 🙂
AKM and Ann indeed hugs, both terrrific persons with the word.
I always enjoyed walking and reading in cemeteries. I never expected I would be there so often. Losing a son unexpectedly last year I’ve spent much time thinking there. Here in TX there is only our daughter and my husband and some day there will be no one to tend our resting places, and probably no one to remember us but a verse on a stone.
Some of my most favorite childhood memories include going to the Moravian Cementary in Ephraim, WI. My mother, sister, and our friends wandered around among the stones, then settled down to eat tuna fish and egg salad sandwiches, apples, chips and cokes. I do not remember any proselitizing. I remember it as a lovely, quiet place, safe, non-threatening.
bu
At nite, one of the greatest adventures at that time (10yrs?), was to creep up to the cementary, scare each other, sit on the tombstones, share ghost stories, scream, yell, laugh, go home and be happily safe with my Mom and Dad. Cementaries do not creep me out.
Unfortunately I have had to bury many of the most significant people in my life. We didn’t bury them all. Most required appearance at legendary burial sites in the midwest. One very rainy day in PawPaw Illinois I stood on a grave stone to keep my feet drier. My cousin went nuts. He had never had picnics in cemetaries.
Hugs to you AKM and those family members who also suffered this loss.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a tad sunnier in the morning to help lighten the loss you have all suffered.
Hugs to AKM and Ann,,,,,,
Your loss is my loss, ladies. I offer up prayers and good thoughts for you and your friends and family members.
I also love cemetaries. When I was a confused teenager, I used to sit by my mother’s cousin’s grave. She was a teacher who died in the 1918 flu epidemic, the first year out of college. That helped me a lot, and I became a teacher. I’m still teaching, at age 69, still loving the act of igniting a glow of understanding in a student’s eyes.
AKM and Ann, please accept my deepest sympathies for.your losses. Know that you are loved and prayers are headed your way that you be comforted in your grief. We all love you both very much.
I found it truly ironic that AKM had posted this today, I read it this morning and then later this afternoon was when I received word of Grandma’s passing. By Yup’ik culture she was my grandma because she is in the same generation as my maternal grandma, just as my mothers cousins are my aunts and uncles and my cousins are sometimes referred to as brothers/sisters, my cousins children are my nieces and nephews and their children would be considered my grandchildren.
I guess Yup’ik culture truly works under the ideal that it takes an entire village to raise a child. Additionally I would think that this type of family/extended family composition reduces people getting involved with people they are too closely related to. Also I think it attributes to the importance of helping each other and sharing with others because we are all one big family.
When I opened a youth center in Nunam Iqua I decided to do a family tree for the entire village. Remember Nunam Iqua has a population of roughly 200. When doing this family tree I managed to connect every person in the village to one another and only had a total of 500 names. Some of those names were duplicated on various areas of the family tree which actually was kinda more like a family bush. But it was really neat to be able to figure out how everyone was related to everyone else.
My grandma that passed away this morning lived a very full life. She has many children, grand children, great grandchildren and great great grandchildren possibly great great great grandchildren by now. I know that she struggled with illness and well old age this past few years and know that she is in a better place. No longer in pain and with the many family members that she outlived. I gave her spirit an offering this evening before our meal just as I do every meal/snack/beverage that we consume, always honoring and feeding those that came before us.
Thank you again AKM for this thread. It’s always good to remember those that have passed on!
LOL I was just remembering when we brought her food during the food drive. I can remember Segundo trying to explain to her in Yup’ik about where the food came from and that it was just impossible for her to grasp the concept of email. I recall Segundo just finally gave up and told her that I was talking to people on the phone. Which was partially true b/c we had dial-up internet then.
She was a very special lady who was one of the first health aides. She used to tell me stories about being like a midwife and delivering babies right there in Nunam Iqua, it was always simply amazing!!
I’m sorry for your loss. Know that you are loved.
Great Tribute AKM!! Sorry for your loss!!
RIP Grandma Julia who passed away this morning in Nunam Iqua at 5 a.m. May you rest now in a better place!
((((((((( Ann ))))))))
I have enjoyed cemeteries too throughout the years – Arlington in D.C., the one before Arlington in D.C., the one in Honolulu, the one in downtown Anchorage and the ones in Sitka and Juneau.
They are so peaceful to walk through – looking for names you might remember from your past as well as names remembered from history.
I even have another memory of the one in Juneau – as a child – we use to play games in the cemetery which was across the street from where we lived. There was no disrespect meant! I look back today and hope those lying quietly enjoyed our laughter.
Here’s a great take on how TSA activities are violating our Fourth Amendment rights, from Dr. Gabriel Cousens of the Tree of Life in Patagonia, AZ, including the letter he sent to his representatives:
http://www.gabrielcousens.com/DRCOUSENS/DRCOUSENSBLOG/tabid/364/PostID/161/language/en-US/THE-FEDERAL-GOVERNMENT-IS-VIOLATING-THE-FOURTH-AMENDMENT-OF-THE-CONSTITUTION.aspx
I’m so sorry for your loss. My sympathy goes out to you and your family.
Like you, I like being in cemeteries. They are peaceful in a way that a park isn’t. Yet many of them have that same sense of beauty. When I have visited older cemeteries, I’m always struck by the dates and the sentiments that mark a life. It’s like getting a glimpse into a long lost diary, but we see only one sentence on one page.
{{{{ AKM }}}} That was a most beautiful sharing. Thank you. God bless to all grieving the loss of your dear one.
Your son’s big , true hug and his “crushed my brain” comment was a perfect life moment. Still smiling !
CO @ 13 – I hear that. As much as I would love to spend one more day with my Mom, I don’t think my heart could handle a 2nd goodbye. If I can have a dream visit with her a few times a year, that works for me.
Hugs to all !
“float”, not “folat”.
I visited the American Cemetary in Normandy many years ago. The white markers seemed to folat over the intensely green grass. I wrote this poem, trying for haiku, and hope you don’t mind if I post it here:
Seeds scattered
A harvest lost
Snow in summer.
This is quite moving and lovely. .
lovely just lovely. thanks Mag.
I have walked there too. Thank you.
May you feel the love and caring from all the mudpups; blessed be, you and your family.
My beloved sister died in February; she lost her fourth battle with cancer. While I would dearly love to see her for one more day, I’m not sure my heart could stand parting from her again. Perhaps it’s enough to know she is free and at peace.
Peace to you, your family, and to the loved one you’ve lost.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Blessings to you and yours, and sympathy for your loss. You’ve had one tough year, and you’ve come through it stronger, smarter, and more beautiful than ever. And ten-year-olds are terrific.
dear Jeanne i am so terribly saddened for your loss.
you have my heartfelt sympathy. this has been a hard year so far but you have handled it all with grace and dignity. bless you sweetheart.
All who walk upon the decks of …Life..’ease left..ease right’..grab the combing..settle into..the rhythm. When the Calm..arrives..our loved ones..take up the working-joy..for us. Love..is the forever bond..as we all..easeright..ease left..and ..guide forward..with smiles in the deepest portions of our hearts and minds as we ..feel the balence..for..we Have known them..they are..still with us..ease right..ease left..into the wind…
{{{{{Juneaudream}}}}}
In the words of my people,
I have taken you into my heart as my own.
Our AKM and the Mudflats community have woven many blessings and wonderful folks into my heart. I’m a lucky bird.
Ohh, Crow Woman, that makes me feel all cozy and fuzzy! We are all lucky birds.
That’s beautiful, juneaudream.
My thoughts and best wishes to you, AKM. I am so sorry.
I love 10 year olds.
Yup, pretty dang awesome, young one .
Thank you for sharing this AKM. Best wishes to you and all who share the loss of this person in their lives.
I am sorry.
Hugs to you this day, Mz AKM. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I like cemeteries too. They are quiet places and looking at names and dates, whether or not we knew the people, is a way of connecting with the past.
Military cemeteries, with the symmetry of their straight lines and our thoughts of all the history buried below, are especially interesting. The famous cemetery at Normandy in France is just amazing. A beautiful site just by the ocean and quiet now after all the turmoil of reaching those beaches so many years ago. And the markers all face home which I found to be particularly touching.
In honor of your friend, I would also like to add, In loving memory of Staff Seargeant Jacob McMillan, KIA December 20, 2006 and well remembered and loved by our family. Buried in Louisanna, and lovingly remembered. I would give anything for my daughter to have one more day with him. Anything.
{{{{{AKM}}}}}
In honor of your friend, of blessed memory, and of all of our dearly departed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WRoWPhLU2Q
Day is done,
gone the sun,
from the lakes from the hills from the sky,
all is well,
safely rest,
God is near.
Fading light,
Dims the sight,
And a star gems the sky gleaming bright,
From afar,
Drawing near,
Falls the night.
Thanks and praise,
For our days,
Neath the sun
Neath the stars
Neath the sky,
As we go,
This, we know,
God is near.
L’Shalom,
thatcrowwoman
Please accept my sympathy. I am sorry for your loss.
I like cemeteries, too. There is so much history there. We have some beautiful old ones around here, and I like to go wandering around, reading, wondering.