‘Recess’ won’t set GOP-led House back

by Shannyn Moore
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I remember sitting inside during recess in fourth grade. Mrs. Henwood, my favorite teacher ever, was tough as nails. Her sparkly glasses and no-nonsense teaching made me adore and fear her at the same time. My times-tables were giving me fits. “You don’t come to school for recess, Shannyn, you’re here to get your work done.”

I learned more than my times-tables from her. Buckle down, get it done, then you play. When I’d passed all my timed tests she gave me a bag of jelly beans. I don’t like jelly beans, but it was still a fantastic prize.
Well, it’s recess time for the Alaska Legislature. That’s largely the result of a mass migration of lawmakers to Washington, D.C., for energy meetings, which has stalled all work in Juneau.

That’s not a big problem for the Republican-led House, which hasn’t been doing much of anything anyway. The House did pass a bill this week to bar protesters from funerals — as you know, funeral protests are one of the state’s more pressing problems.

I know of only one threat to protest a funeral in Alaska. The Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan., threatened to protest Sen. Ted Stevens’ service. But Alaskans let that sorry collection of anti-gay publicity hounds know how they would be received, so they decided to look elsewhere for mourners to torment.

Then there are license plates, another crucial state issue. Thanks to our Legislature we have almost as many “official state license plates” as we have roads. Yes, you can have NRA, pro-life, pro-choice, In God We Trust or any of many others because, apparently, bumper stickers just don’t cut it anymore.

When it comes to useless bills, Anna Fairclough set the standard a few years ago by trying to “(ban) the buying and selling of a movie action figure,” but there’s always the threat of a challenger.
The House Finance Committee is sitting on a box full of bills, ready to let them hatch if the Senate will only pass the governor’s multibillion-dollar oil tax giveaway, the infamous HB110.

Meanwhile, in the bipartisan Senate, it’s a different story. Bills have passed with modest increases to the base student allocation, expanded vocational education, suicide prevention efforts, pre-kindergarten programs across the state, forward-funding of education, improving nutrition in school meals and scholarships for students “getting their work done.”

Back in the House? There’s the Snow Classic, authorizing charitable gaming for four community schools. (Republican gambling on education seems so right — funding the future is a “sure thing.” Where’s the thrill?)

A Senate bill proposes building a gas pipeline from Cook Inlet to Fairbanks. Fairbanksans are still in the diesel dark ages. Other bills would allocate some of the bonanza brought by high oil prices to help Alaskans cope with staggering fuel bills.

The House? The majority wants to fund an ad campaign to open ANWR. Now there’s a new idea.

The Senate has passed five bills affecting health care for Alaskans. Senate Bill 74 requires insurance companies to cover autism. (Happily, one that hasn’t passed is a minority bill requiring that a woman undergo an ultrasound before an abortion. I don’t think they’ve decided yet whether a trooper actually needs to be on hand for the procedure.)

The House? Ban bath salts that people snort. I get how bad they are, but really, how far does this get us down the path to comprehensive health care? What about money to treat drug addiction, or alcohol rehab?

The Senate Military Affairs Committee acted swiftly to try to deflect attempts to close Alaska bases and to make veterans more attractive to employ.

The House contribution: “Welcome Home Vietnam Veterans Day.” Not kidding. Now don’t get me wrong: I’m grateful for the service of our Vietnam vets, but they all came home before I went to kindergarten. How about a bill to address the problem of homeless vets or the fact that suicide has killed more Vietnam vets than combat?

The Republican majority in the House is lucky Mrs. Henwood did her public service as an educator and not a legislator. Otherwise they’d be inside getting their work done. The Senate? Well, most of them would have jelly beans.

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