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Friday, January 28, 2022

Three Dans Too Many

An invitation! We got an invitation!

And it’s pink and blue and calligraphied all fancy-like!

Are Mayor Dan Sullivan and Bill and Michelle Bittner going to have a baby?

Are Dan Coffey and his wife Pauline going to get married again?

No, wait. It’s an “announcement of great importance to the future of Anchorage.” Wow.

Hold on just a second… We’re getting a Red Lobster?




Alas, no to all of the above.

Instead, Dan Coffey, the former Assemblyman and Sullivan minion/mancrush, has decided to run for Mayor. Not really that surprising. You may recall Dan Coffey is the one who was hired for $60k in a no-bid contract by the administration to take Title 21, the land use ordinance that was put together by people who understand urban planning, and six years of public input, and dismantle it. Apparently taking what the public wants, flipping it off, and throwing it under a steamroller ain’t cheap.


Mayoral wannabe Dan Coffey. [photo via KTVA-11]

And then there was the fact that he was fined by the Alaska Public Offices Commission for failing to register as a lobbyist during the last legislative session, and for making campaign contributions that were illegal for a lobbyist to make. Coffey pulled a “gee whiz, I didn’t know,” but the Anchorage Daily News was having none of that, and called him out for the scheming, fibbing,  intentional lawbreaker he is.

I actually have faith in the people of Anchorage on this one. The way I’m looking at it, we stand a chance of having a decent mayor next go around. Of course the quickest way to make sure that doesn’t happen and we end up with Mayor Pomade, and another three years of cronyism asshattery at City Hall is to make sure that those on the other side decide to run multiple good candidates, making sure to use that narcissistic pie cutter to divvy up the vote and the money in such a way that we end up banging our heads for another three years. You know, LIKE THEY DID LAST TIME.

So, here’s what we’ve got:

Dan Coffey and his hair products would like to take over Mayor Dan’s job.

Mayor Dan would like to become “Lieutenant Dan” and is running for the Lite Gov spot currently held by Mead Treadwell.

Lite Gov Mead Treadwell would like Mark Begich’s job but he seems to be one of the few people who actually want that to happen. Good thing he’s enlisted the help of the Party Planner in his campaign efforts. That always goes well.

And Mayor Dan Sullivan would like the other Dan Sullivan, head of DNR to take Mark Begich’s spot.

It sounds confusing, but basically all you need to remember at this point is “Don’t Vote Dan.” Coffey, Sullivan or Sullivan. 




12 Responses to “Three Dans Too Many”
  1. Douglas says:

    Thanks for the help. I can pretty much feel safe in voting for a candidate if this crazy ass site denounces them; it means they’re not a flaming liberal and probably work through problems rationally. Off to vote!

  2. tallimat says:

    Just remember… Dan is not your man.

  3. mike says:

    I know who’s not voting for any Dan’s this time around and that’s me. The public should be able to figure this one out..

  4. flex gunship pailn says:

    ban the dan

  5. mike from iowa says:

    Show up at Bittner’s home at 1:30 and tellt them asshats you’re on mikey time!

  6. Zyxomma says:

    So, AKM, any ideas on who the Dems will run for Anchorage Mayor?

    And, as the daughter of a dearly departed Dan, I don’t appreciate these @$$hats giving the Dans a bad name!

  7. blue_in_AK says:

    There need to be bumper stickers like the No Pebble stickers … a circle with DAN in the middle and a line through. It would look nice next to my Recall Lindsey sticker.

  8. Ivan says:

    god Dan them.

    “Maintenance Mode
    The Mudflats | News & Politics From The Upper Left Corner is currently undergoing scheduled maintenance.

Please try back in 0 days, 0 hours, and 52 minutes
(on October 25, 2013 at 11:57 pm).
    Sorry for the inconvenience.”

    wow -glad that’s over.

  9. PollyinAK says:

    Alaskan political landscape was never this depressing… or maybe I am just more informed than in my youthful years.

  10. John says:

    Someone needs to design a few “Don’t Vote Dan” bumper stickers. I’m sure they would sell well on the Mudflats page. I’m not sure what the APOC rules on that would be.