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Friday, January 28, 2022

“Good Big Deal” to Russia With Love

I know how much all of you worry about the big 3 oil companies. They’re busy weeping into their hankies, and turning their pockets inside out to show us the lint, and explaining that they NEED that $2 billion a year from Alaska’s treasury or they’re just going to have to take their tin cup and leave Alaska for somewhere they can scrounge a few coins to survive. It’s not that they aren’t making money in Alaska, it’s that they’re just not making ENOUGH money.

See, if they don’t get that $2 billion from us via no-strings-attached check, then they’ll have to do something drastic to get that Alaskan money, like explore more, or drill more, or get more oil in the pipeline.

But to all you compassionate souls who fret about the financial stability of our 3 big friends, here’s a bit of good news.

Russian state-owned oil giant Rosneft strengthened its hold on the country’s lucrative oil industry when it sealed a $61 billion deal, buying TNK-BP, the joint venture between a group of Russian oil oligarchs and the British energy company.

(Long, low whistle) So, that’s a cool $61 billion in BP’s money  bag right there. And it happened all at one time, instead of having to rely on the gullibility of three decades worth of Alaskans. It saves all that annoying buying of politicians, funneling money into SuperPACs, buying TV ads, schmoozing the governor… Nicely done, BP.

On Monday afternoon Russian President Vladimir Putin got the news from Rosneft CEO Igor (I am not making that up) Sechin. Vladimir was pleased with Igor’s call, apparently, stating

Putin responded on Russian television (and I’m not going to let you continue unless you read the following imagining a James Bond Bad Guy-style Russian accent, so get ready).

“This is a good big deal which is important not only for Russia’s energy sector but for the entire Russian economy.”

And there you have it. A win-win-win situation. Vladimir is happy, Igor is happy, BP is happy. Now they’re going to go change into some old clothes, stock up on fresh hankies, and turn on the waterworks for those naive Alaskans. They forget we can see them from our house.

 

Comments

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Comments
7 Responses to ““Good Big Deal” to Russia With Love”
  1. Polarbear says:

    We are not players in the Russian Arctic. We are not players in our own federal Arctic waters. We are players only in our own near-coastal waters and inland. In our own domain, Alaska does have the resources to control its own future, but lacks the political will to do so. We cannot get natural gas delivered south from Prudhoe Bay to Fairbanks, nor south around the coast to Kotzebue, Nome, Bethel, and Dilliingham. Our governor is chasing a megadeal to deliver massive amounts of natural gas to Asia, and has no concern for the daily struggles of Alaska citizens? Why is Parnell not paying a political price for his negligence?

  2. UgaVic says:

    Hmmmm, maybe Mittens has a point and our biggest threat IS Russia 🙂

  3. Zyxomma says:

    Of course we all know the evil villainous phony Russian accent — we grew up watching Boris and Natasha on Rocky & Bullwinkle. You know, the big moose with the little flying squirrel friend.

  4. Clemtown says:

    Reminds me of the time I went through New Hampshire and made jokes about “moose and squirrel”.
    Moose are not to be trifled with.

  5. HoboJohn says:

    Don’t forget Caribou Quitter handed them $750 million right before she quit being an absent Gov, for a pipeline study that will not be built in a hundred years or longer.

  6. HoboJohn says:

    So they’re too big to fail also to? Alaska should cut them loose and go with independent oil drillers.

    • mike from iowa says:

      They are independent…………………………………………………………………………………….ly wealthy. Rethuglicans, one and all, forget that THE PEOPHE are the government-not big awl. I am sure that for a small upfront cost of several millions,plus half of the projected future profits,Romnesia and Bain would gladly fleece B O (big oil) and Snowdrift Snookie could earn a finder’s fee for locating Russia from her house.A win/win for the monied elite.