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Friday, January 28, 2022

Palins Vindicated! Just Ask Them.

I’ve learned that I cannot ignore the Palins’ drunken rumpus.

But in light of the fact that our friends at Wonkette have taken the newly released Anchorage Police Department report and run with it as only they can, I’m just gonna put this right here to give you a little taste.


CLICK for the full story of the Palin’s “vindication.”

You’ll be happy to know that we stand by our original illustration of the event, and that t-shirts remain available for purchase HERE. Remember, Christmas is coming and nothing says Peace on Earth, Good Will to Man like ripping your shirt off and giving someone the bird.


And you’ll never believe THIS… Despite the drunken debauchery, the blood, the stinking drunkenness, the multiple assaults, the alleged stealing of sandals, and Bristol Palin’s fists of fury, no charges will be filed. I’m shocked, shocked I say. There goes our court coverage… *sigh*



26 Responses to “Palins Vindicated! Just Ask Them.”
  1. Al-Hajj Frederick H Minshall says:

    “Would Jesus Ride a Hummer?”
    (Sung to the tune of “Would Jesus Wear a Rolex”?—apologies to Ray Stevens)

    Woke up this mornin’, opened up the ADN
    And therein I saw somethin’ hope to never see again
    This drunk Wasilla Snookie was-a peein’ on the street
    Hollerin’ an’ a-cussin’ while staggerin’ in bare feet

    She wore a camo thong-dress, kept her hair over her face
    While her momma cried, “I found Track’s necklace, by the Good Lord’s Grace!”
    Her brother couldn’t spell his name, her Dad had scrapes and cuts
    And tried to fight some old guy for callin’ her a slut…

    These folks tell me their Christians, a fine upstanding lot
    But maybe where they’re goin’ is just a bit more hot
    Because their words and actions don’t really seem to fit
    When that’s the case you earn yourself the name of hypocrite


    Would Jesus ride a Hummer, and get plastered in the back?
    If he had kids would he give ‘em names like Tripp and Trig and Track?
    Would he turn the water into wine, or would he start a fight?
    Would his daughter leave her baby bawlin’ in the car all night?

    Would he bilk folks for money on his television show
    Then never run for office, while keepin’ all the dough?
    Would he get into a threesome with a college B-ball star
    Or scream back at his enemies “Do you know who we are?”

    I shake my head with wonder, and try to understand
    Is this the way you Christains act? Please tell me if you can:

    Would Jesus ride a Hummer and get plastered in the back
    Then blame it all upon the liberal media’s attacks?

  2. mike from iowa says:

    Oh lookee here-wingnuts finally cloned a smarter than the original cut-up and she is on display at the Juneau Police Headquarters.

  3. Dagian says:

    So I was reading other sites that commented upon the police report and on one of them (forget which one) someone wrote that after the white limo left the Klingenmeyer residence, they went to the Mug-Shot Saloon. Where there was yet another altercation of some sort.

    Did they go to that business? If there was a fight (it’s a bar, it’s late, there may have been a scuffle of some sort), were members of the Palin family involved?

    I’m really taken aback that the not one single police officer thought to have at least WILLOW perform a breath-test after someone commented that Bristol AND Willow were drunk. Not only that, but if Tripp was in that limo (police don’t mention him but…), why in the world wouldn’t they have called CPS if none of the adult Palins were sober? I mean, Todd and Willow tried to provoke Korey in front of the police! How drunk/stupid do you have to be?

    Well, I do hope that Levi’s lawyer runs with this one. That kid needs to get away from that side of the family. Bristol is a mess.

  4. mike from iowa says:

    Police didn’t mention track was a veteran. What gives? Did they risk the wrath of Grifters by going off script?

    • Alaska Pi says:

      youi betcha! 😉

      • mike from iowa says:

        Wanna see trolls? Madville Times has a couple of beauties who make shane holt seem like a pimple on a whale’s butt.Both want to auger religion-as in theirs is the only one. Steve Sibson is the Mon-Fri daily troll and Angelp Crus rears his ugly head now and then. Yikes! Both take advantage of Cory Heidelberger’s reluctance to ban anyone.(they abuse the privilege) 🙂

  5. Dagian says:

    I read the linked police report and I have several questions.

    1) I see “Case Status – pending” on pp 1, 3, 4, 11, 15-17, 19-25 Does that mean that charges may be filed?
    2) Willow is quite the liar – I have this feeling she got snubbed in some manner so made up some outrageous account to wind up her (drunk) sister and brother to beat up whoever upset her. She told the police that Korey Klingenmeyer assaulted Bristol – but she knew that isn’t what happened.
    3) Bristol was utterly wasted and bit the bait
    4) Ditto for Track
    5) One of the officers wrote something about getting Track to get out of the vehicle – I’m a little surprised that he didn’t take note of everyone in the vehicle at the time (nor did he write down the name of the driver)
    6) I wonder if “a bunch of wives” did, indeed, “tackle Bristol’s ass”
    7) Janice Schnell may have videotaped it, but if she did she denied it when asked by Korey. The police don’t have any videos

    Well, I think this will add a lot of weight to any change in the custody agreement between Ms. Bristol Palin and Mr. Levi Johnston. Apparently he hasn’t been involved with any big drunken brawls where the police were summoned. Plus he has a job. At the very least they should have shared physical and legal custody and that may wipe out any child support that Levi is to pay Bristol on their son’s behalf.

    • Dagian says:

      8) Willow isn’t 21 – what’s the legal drinking age in Alaska? If she was drunk and underage, she could have been charged for that all by itself.

      • Alaska Pi says:

        yes- Willow should have been popped after a field sobriety test.
        other than that- don’t take it all too seriously.
        without someone there to press charges for misdemeanor assault nothing is/was going to happen to whatzername and her dysfunctional brood.
        there was no felony assault which would allow the police could go after the doofs without someone pressing charges.
        as much as I would love to see Ms Bristol in court for misdemeanor assault ( and taken down a peg or 3) I can’t see what the homeowner would gain except a whatzername size headache.

        and APD? thank you for releasing these reports.
        these wahoos may not see the inside of a courtroom but they sure can’t pretend some of the horsepunky they have been pretending was happening here 🙂
        goodo. ’bout time.

        • barbara says:

          i would expect a press conference by the palins crowing about how the police report totally vindicated each and every one of them of any untoward behavior. isn’t that what sarah did after the report was released that confirmed her abuse of power?

          • Alaska Pi says:

            yup, me too, and I am truly shocked the vindication speech hasn’t already hit the streets.
            only dang thing whatzername has done which has shocked me in a long, long time

  6. tom mac says:

    I am puzzled. Wikipedia says Willow Palin was born in 1994, which would make her about 20 years old. People are quoted in the police report that Willow was intoxicated. The reports say that the Palins arrived together in the stretch Hummer. Does this not indicate that Sarah Palin was involved in allowing an under-age youth consuming alcohol? Should not some Authority take notice of this?

  7. Admin says:

    That is because if anyone has enough money in a State of Alaska portfolio and threatens to pull it…even when it isn’t theirs…they can get what they want in Alaska…you would be amazed at what passes for ‘normal’ in Alaska…
    I mean just look at the Palin brood…Todd is a POS according to those in law, and Sarah is a ‘headcase’ waiting to explode…the kids are ‘brats’ and the rest are a ‘bunch of cokeroaches’ that sit and bake for an occupation…
    So in the meantime, while they are fighting…paperwork goes over their heads and inquires are made…so when that HUGE account gets transferred and the case is heard in Geneva…what will Palin come up with next?
    What more domestic-terrorism tactics…I hear they are locked and loaded and watching and waiting…head-tilt…
    Oh and they will make sure to get it on tape and send it to all news outlets as soon as possible…God’s Will…

    • Dagian says:

      I’m coming away with a real fear about what Willow will do in the future. They’re all varying degrees of damaged (genes, upbringing, whatever) but she’s SCARY.

      There’s something about her that reminds me of Lauren Ashley Bush. The 17 yo who in league with a 15 yo did TERRIBLE things to a young man diagnosed with autism. Child pornography, theft, assault, tried to get the boy to engage in bestiality – the two of them should also have been charged with reckless endangerment. I still believe Lauren should have been charged as an adult. Barring that, I hope to _____ that the sick twist never sets her sights on my family members.

  8. mike from iowa says:

    This police report clearly and unequivocablly refudiates the Grifter’s claim that Obama started this brawl because Palin drunken brawls never occurred under Ronnie Raygun.

  9. mike from iowa says:

    Korey drug her by her legs and called her a #$%# and a slut and told her to leave. I’m guessing,from her reaction,she turned down his marriage proposal. Where I come from the prospective groom should have been the one that felt insulted.

    Wonkette is funny,but w/o your stick figures this is like a pic without the asso.

  10. Admin says:

    Loren Stanton – that won’t happen unless a few things occur…we elect another governor than Captain Zero…
    or if they ‘cook the books’ on the elections and ‘miraculaously’ win again…we need to bring in the Feds from Washington DC who are not in a good mood…those are the best…they don’t care and don’t want to hear it…
    and if you expect them to feel sorry for you – don’t – because they won’t…like the Alaska National Guard report…
    So that is why things are the way they are in Alaska…Las Vegas Law = what happens in Alaska stays in Alaska!
    and you can ‘get away with murder’ in Alaska if you pay enough ‘money or favors’ to those in authority positions!

  11. Juniper says:

    Ask Janice Schnell to share the video 😀

  12. Buffalogal says:

    re: t-shirt – I cannot express enough my delight in that graphic. I will most definitely be buying at least one for the holidays. ( image of Bristol is a source of endless entertainment. )

  13. Mo says:

    Plus, a chaser.

  14. Mo says:

    Kinda wondering if PAC funds can go for hush money “legal fees,” or if it has to come out of personal expenses.

    • Buffalogal says:

      My guess is that it comes out of postage expenses. But,one way or another, they are clever grifter folk. They’ll find just the right way to do it. Because you’re right – hushin’ must be had, after all.