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Me: Hey, Republican! Would you like some delicious ice cream?

Republican: Yes, I would. I love delicious ice cream. What kind?

Me: What kind would you like?

Republican: Hmmm… Do you have Rocky Road?

Me: Yes! Would you like some delicious Rocky Road ice cream?

Republican: Mmmmm. Yes, please.

Me: Hey, did you know that Barack Obama also enjoys a nice bowl of Rocky Road ice cream?

(buzzing short-circuit noise)

Republican: I… I… I changed my mind and suddenly remembered that ice cream is from the devil!

Me: Hmm. I think it’s a little too warm down there to make ice cream. But how about distracting yourself and calming your nerves by petting this adorable puppy?

Republican: Ok, that would be nice. I love adorable puppies. Hey there little fella…

Me: Yeah, Barack Obama loves adorable puppies too. He even got one for his kids.

Republican: Nooooooo! I need hand sanitizer! I’m a cat person! Who likes cats? Anyone! I want them to run my district, my state, and my country!

Of course Barack Obama has done things you don’t like. Heck, he’s done plenty of things I don’t like, starting right off by voting to give immunity to the telecoms. Remember that?  He wasn’t even elected yet. I don’t know where you were back then, but I was kind of running around with my hair on fire.  I was fit to be tied. You know… personal liberty and stuff.

Don’t even get me started on the National Defense Authorization Agreement (NDAA). Or the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP). Most people don’t know what those things are, but plenty of Republicans are on that bandwagon “voting with Obama,” and you shouldn’t like that very much. Plenty of Democrats are too, but some aren’t. The point is, you have to CHECK, because people are counting on your laziness, and people who count on your laziness generally do not have your best interest at heart.



Answer me this.

Would you like to have your insurance company deny coverage to you and your family because one of you has a pre-existing heart condition, or had cancer, or an injury?

Would you rather have your sick kid yanked from your policy once they turn 18, instead of keeping them on until they’re 26?

Would you like to foot the bill for people who can’t get, or can’t afford insurance when they have to use the emergency room?

If you answered no to any of these questions, you like certain things about… Obamacare. I’ll give you a little time to breathe into a paper bag.

Is Obamacare the best possible legislation? No.  Are there problems? Yes. Was the website annoyingly dysfunctional for a week? Totally. Politics is a whole lot of grey area that tries to speak to us in black and white.

If you believe President Obama is evil and always completely 100% wrong on every single issue, and so is anyone who voted for him, or agreed with him, or shook his hand, or has the same letter after their name, or appears on a scary flyer with a picture of him – and if you believe anyone running against that person is therefore awesome, guess what? You are super easy to manipulate, my friend.

I’m not trying to scold you. I’m trying to tell you you’re better than this.

Let’s take a look at the political flyers I’ve been getting in my mailbox lately.


This is but a tiny fraction from the last 2 weeks. Seriously. I see as much about Barack Obama in my mail as I do the actual candidates.

Here’s one about state senate candidate Harry Crawford who is running against Cathy Giessel in South Anchorage.




And here’s one about West side senate candidate Clare Ross.


Hey, that looks familiar. Hmmm…. the pod is getting crowded. And they saved some money on graphic design.

This silliness is apparently working to convince Republicans how to vote. Even for the most local races. It has to be working or they wouldn’t be printing it. Right?

Campaigns, and Outside groups just know you’ll breathe with your mouth, staring with saucer eyes, and walk with knees locked and arms outstretched to the polls groaning, “OOOOBAAAAMMMMAAAAA!” And then you’ll fill in the ovals and go home.

Alaskans have been notoriously good at smelling a carpetbagger. We get one in almost every federal election. And yet this time Dan Sullivan had the financial backing to beat Joe Miller AND Mead Treadwell, and is now ahead in the polls because OBAMA. They don’t care that Mark Begich is a complete thorn in Obama’s side on oil drilling, gun rights, and a host of Alaskan issues. They don’t even care that we have an unbelievable strategic advantage for our state – one senator from each party on the powerful Appropriations Committee! Nope, we might elect a guy who lied about his residency, and will become the LEAST powerful or effectual member of the Senate, because… OBAMA!


The Palins endorse Bill Walker for Governor, and Byron Mallott for Lt. Governor… the ones running AGAINST Republican Sean Parnell, her former Lt. Gov.

Some Alaskans also don’t care that Sean Parnell is a fiscal conservative’s nightmare, or about the unbelievably shameful way he has treated those who serve in the National Guard. EVEN SARAH PALIN CAN’T STAND PARNELL, and he was her own Lt. Governor!

You know what this means…



Even some liberal blogger in Anchorage joins Sarah Palin in thinking better of you than that you’ll vote for Parnell-Sullivan. Why? Because I think Sarah Palin is not always completely wrong 100% of the time, especially on issues that affect Alaska. See how that works? I’m still here. I didn’t spontaneously combust.

So please, I beg you. Stop being “Republicans” and start being Alaskans. Use your noggins. Give yourself some credit. You may still vote Republican in the end, but at least know what you’re voting for. And use the part of your brain that thinks, not the part that freaks out. That part is tired, anyway, and would like a rest.

I leave you with this. Any time you see Obama on a mailer that’s about somebody other than Obama, realize that someone out there thinks you’re a sheep. And ask yourself why that is.

I’m done. Now here. Have some ice cream, and a puppy. It’s ok.




10 Responses to “Obama!”
  1. Mo says:

    On the bright side, Republican coffers are pouring out megabucks for campaign advertising that’s totally unnecessary – Republican voters will vote Republican until they die, even if Jesus Christ Himself returns and runs as a Democrat.

    At least someone’s milking the Kochs for their spare change, eh?

  2. Moose Pucky says:

    And then at the top of this Mudflats page is one of those stinkin’ ads???

  3. Moose Pucky says:

    People are making no sense on the “Obama” thing and they are proud of it too and nothing is going to change their hard-headed ideologies where they are dug in so deep, daylight cannot reach. It’s truly mindless.

    In this forest, on this tundra, on these mountain tops we call Alaska, let sanity rule, please.

    Critters rooting strong for Sen. Begich, for Forrest Dunbar.

    Parnell/Sullivan/Sullivan are three peas in a stinking, rotten pod that care not a whit for Alaskans or their input.

  4. boodog says:

    Excellent, AKM! There are no rules for how we decide to vote. It’s hard to vote for someone we don’t like, or for someone who is endorsed by someone we don’t like. As humans we have brains and emotions, we use both everyday to make decisions.

    It’s natural to want to vote for those who are one of ‘us’ or someone we like, but we are voting for a job position, not membership into our family or circle of friends. As someone who has hired and fired, it’s hard to keep emotions under control. For me, and probably many others, voting for President Obama was a unique experience- I liked his stand on many of the important issues, AND I liked him as a person. I felt- and still do- that he has the country’s best interests at the center of his decisions. As much as I liked him, I still used my brain over emotion to vote. Although it wasn’t too hard considering the alternative.

    Ok, that part was emotional. I need ice cream just thinking about it.

  5. Beaglemom says:

    I sure wish there were “truth in advertising” laws for political ads. Our Tea Party representative has been running ads that make him seem like a real saint, someone who cares about the old, the sick, veterans, grandchildren. Yet in his four years in Congress he has never voted for a jobs bill (well, the GOP hasn’t let any come to the floor), he has voted against food stamps, against veterans, against healthcare. In fact he has voted against everything that helps his constituents, many of them (in the UP of Michigan) who are truly impoverished. And he calls himself a physician (good old “Dr. Dan”) yet he’s voted to end the ACA at every opportunity without offering any kind of alternative and he’d love to do in Social Security and Medicare. Oh, by the way, he became a multimillionaire doctor while working in the UP of Michigan. Not my ideal of a doctor or a politician. But he gets to do lots of ads, both on television and radio and in the mail, because he gets lots of money from his buddies, the Koch brothers. I think he should be required by law to “advertise” his votes, not the fuzzy feel-good dreams of his pr people. He’s all about fiction, not reality.

  6. mike from iowa says:

    Them there pea pods aren’t full. I hate when that happens. As Tennessee Ernie Ford used to say at the end of his tv show-“Bless your little pea-picking heart.” Therefore peas and pods must surely represent all that is good in this world. Better than puppies for sure. And light years ahead of whitey wingnuts.

  7. Zyxomma says:

    I’ve been getting calls about the election before I’m even awake in the morning. They were all robocalls, apart from the one from my Congresswoman’s office. Carolyn Maloney had an actual live human call. I assured him she has my vote, and has had for years. When I went to the polls in ’12, she was at our polling place. What a beautiful woman. Of course, I vote every year, in every primary and every general. I wish more of us did just that.

  8. DonnaB says:

    This is terrific. And I agree about Sarah Palin. Sometimes (in the old days particularly, pre – Teabag goddess) she got it right. It’s dangerous and leads to the same profound dedication to knee jerk stupidity, when we decide that the other guy is ALWAYS wrong. That’s how that Republican crowd got conscripted by the lunatic fringe. We don’t want to go there.

  9. Corning,NY says:

    Shane, you need a life. Get out of your parents’ basement and get a job.

    • Mo says:

      Remember Internet lore about feeding trolls, right?
      Dude’s just another old fart who rolls in Limbaugh shit, not worth a milliseconds’s attention.