Alaska GOP Senate Race – Cirque de SoLame
Politico just ran an article focusing on the Alaska Senate race, but boy did they get the headline wrong. “Fears?” First of all, when you “fear” something, it means you generally don’t want it to happen. Fearing a GOP civil war in Alaska, for some of us, is like fearing the circus, or fearing Christmas. Oh, no! Jugglers, and cotton candy, and entertaining acrobatics! And who is that scary guy stuffing my stocking with gift cards and chocolate truffles?! Hold me! Second, the use of the future tense seems a bit… late. The GOP Civil War “may” be coming to…
Condescension from the Daft
Jon Stewart once said of President George W. Bush that “it’s not that he’s stupid, it’s that he talks to us like we’re stupid.” We have our own kindergarten dialect in the Alaska State Senate. During her last campaign, in a newly drawn district, Sen. Cathy Giessel used a Chamber of Commerce forum in Seward to greet her new constituents by showing the locals a map of their area—pointing out to them where they are, and what towns one passes en route to Anchorage. (Whoa, slow down, Senator! Even though…
Alaska Defends Abuse of First Alaskans
I read a story in the Daily News last week and felt sick. A tribe found a non-tribal man unfit to parent a child from the tribe. The man then proved their judgment sound when he kidnapped the child’s mother and almost beat her to death. The Parnell administration has now swooped in, four years later, to defend the abuser. Why now? Why this guy? Why are state resources going to defend a convicted wife-beater? I realize Michael Geraghty, the state’s attorney general, doesn’t want to explain these decisions to “lay people” like you and me. That’s unfortunate because we…
Mayor Dan Sez, “Let’s Get Started!”
The world is going to Hell. And there’s not a damn thing we can do about it. But, do you know what we can do? We can mock bad campaign literature, that’s what. And at least it will make us feel like we’ve done something. I anticipate doing a lot of this during the next year, because many candidates have Print Shoppe Deluxe™ on their e-machines. And some of them even have the 16-CD set of “1,000,000,001 Clip Art Images You Can Use.” It’s still early, but let’s trot out our first example before the class. You’ll be glad to…
Don Young & the 47% Double Down
Remember that guy? The one with the hair, and the teeth, and the blonde wife, and the dog? Starts with an R… Give me a minute, I’ll get it…Don’t tell me, don’t tellll meeeee…… Romney! Remember when Mitt Romney was running for President, and then that thing happened, and he was speaking at a fancy private, closed-door fundraiser and told his fellow second and third-generation hand-me-down elites that 47% of the country were a bunch of good-for-nothing lazy freeloaders who didn’t do anything, and just mooched off the system? And then that guy videotaped it and released it to that…
Inconvenient Private Sector Jobs
Time to don your rain ponchos, because Republican heads are going to be exploding across the state. This is one of those times when philosophy and reality are on opposite sides, and the confused elephant brains of the majority of the GOP in Alaska are going to have to out themselves, or change sides. Ah, another inconvenient truth. ” Ready? Guess what industry is the largest private sector employer in the State of Alaska? Oil? <<<HOCKEY BUZZER NOISE>>> Mining? <<<REPEAT ABOVE>>> Nope, it’s fish. A recent report issued from the McDowell Group for the Alaska Seafood Marketing Institute reveals: The…
AK Teens Rate Credibility of Famous Figures
A group of Anchorage high school juniors in an advanced placement class were asked to do the following in class: Analyze the following list of famous figures. Rank them from 1 on down based on their credibility. Remember to weigh honesty, wisdom, and credibility equally. Margaret Thatcher Martin Luther King, Jr. Sarah Palin Hillary Clinton Bill Gates Sandra Day O’Connor Martha Stewart Thomas Jefferson Lady Ga Ga George W. Bush Barack Obama Anthony Weiner After each student had compiled his or her personal list ranking, they were asked to come together as a class, and present one list that they…
Do Alaskans Like Fish More than Pot?
Me: Hey, Alaska! Alaska: WHAT? We’re busy fishing. Me: Just a couple quick questions… you can keep your line in the water. Alaska: Make it fast, the silvers are running. I don’t want to get distracted. Me: Would you rather have more money in the coffers of the state, or make sure you always have fish? Alaska: Fish. Me: Would you rather have people earning more money and boosting the economy, or make sure people can earn a living fishing. Alaska: Fishing. Me: Would you rather smoke pot, or salmon? Alaska: I can’t do both? Me: No. Alaska: OK, salmon….
Salmon: Feel the Love, Have the Party
I fell completely in love with an ad campaign. I know. Between the halibut haters at Domino’s and “The Salmon Project,” I should have whiplash. The campaign is brilliant. It’s got a fantastic kiss mark with a salmon in it! If I were a tattoo girl, that would be my pick. It’s genius. Salmon is more than something on a plate — it’s a lifestyle. I first noticed all this when I stopped to get supplies at the Seward Safeway on the way to my very own salmon project: Operation “Acrobatic Coho!” (Mission accomplished. Thanks for asking!) Even if…
Palin: In or Out, or In… Or Out. Maybe.
In the never ending edge-of-your-seat boredom that is Sarah Palin’s future “political career,” we’ve got some hot breaking news! Remember how she wasn’t considering a senate run in Alaska? Then, she was… unless someone other than Joe Miller and Mead Treadwell stepped up to run. Nobody has. Still just them. Yet now she says she currently has no plans to run. Someone else can do it. But she’s also not ruling anything out. She’s not closing the door. Back in the day, an open door was God’s message to “plow through.” Now, it’s merely an option. It’s just there, open,…