Young Insolent to Students – Suicide, Gay Sex & more
Alaska’s lone congressman, Don Young, spoke to a group of students at Wasilla High School Tuesday. If that sentence alone made you wince, then congratulations. It shows you’ve been paying attention to the rapidly crazying octogenarian who represents all Alaskans in the halls of Washington D.C. Earlier this month, Young barked at his Democratic opponent after a touch on the arm, “Don’t ever touch me! The last guy who touched me wound up on the ground, dead!” This time it’s insensitive remarks about suicide, berating friends of the victim, and comparing Alaska’s newly legal same-sex marriage to bull fornication. And…
Don Young Killed a Guy. He Says.
Last week Alaska Congressman Don Young (R) pulled a “Don Young,” and thanks to the magic of the internets and the television, it’s percolated up to the national media. Chris Hayes, on his show All In (see video above), talked about the incident that occurred at the Kodiak fisheries debate, in which Democratic challenger Forrest Dunbar made a terrible terrible mistake… One that could COST HIM HIS LIFE! (<——– Say this in baritone movie promo voice) Forrest Dunbar… touched Don Young. He. Touched. Him. Not a “show me on the doll where Forrest Dunbar touched you” kind of…
You Want the Palin Brawl? Here it is.
I’ve been asked countless times over the last couple days to weigh in on the Palin’s drunken rumpus that has now dominated the national news cycle. I’ve been begged. BEGGED. “You of all people!” “I’ve been waiting!” “Don’t let us down!” Honestly, I would rather be rolled in French fry grease, sprinkled with sea salt and fed to the ravens. It may be the same reason I disdain tabloids, and rubbernecking accidents. But because I love you I will weigh in, in whatever manner there is left to weigh in on the Hindenburg that is the Palin family. I knew as…
Purgatory Will Turn You Vegan. Apparently.
And now this, from the Palin Channel, which clearly has not raised enough money for speech writers. Or teleprompters. Or some guy making cue cards with a Sharpie. Luckily, they’ve been able to scrape up enough for a fake tree, and a pile of leather-bound books which were put in front of her so maybe now she has to read them, a lacquered photograph of a flag, and a ring of keys for a house belonging to a race of giants. Gravitas. That’s what that is. The ex-half-governor must have been feeling confident this day, because she decided to take…
Krazy Kampaign Lit Alert!
Joe Miller is running for U.S. Senate again. And in Alaska, it’s a 3-way scramble to the right to woo the hard-core conservative primary voter. Miller, Mead Treadwell, and Dan Sullivan have all been trying to outdo each other in their attempt to unseat incumbent Democratic Senator Mark Begich. Above is Miller’s latest piece of campaign literature, mailed to voters. Xenophobic fear mongering and downright silliness aside, (and that’s a BIG aside) let’s follow the message, shall we? You may need a pith helmet, and a machete to get through the jungle of “logic.” Warning: there’s a cliff at…
Little Slice of Happy
You’re afraid to even look at the news right now, because assorted horrors from around the globe are all competing for ghastly headlines. So you have to take your happiness, and restore your faith in humanity, wherever you can. Which brings us to the fine, civic-minded residents of Williamson County, Tennessee, near Nashville. It seems former SNL cast member, homophobic Tea Party activist, and batshit insane person Victoria Jackson offered to supply the locals with what would undoubtedly have been some top-notch statecraft on their county commission. Weirdly, the voters declined her generous offer last night. Judy Lynch Herbert: 1,422…
Don Young Goes Aggro on Staffer
We snickered when he banged a walrus penis bone on the table during a House session. We face palmed when he threatened to bite a New Jersey congressman like an Alaskan mink. We rolled our eyes when he wore a beanie propeller in committee to mock wind power. We sighed when he cursed at a police officer, and barged into a building that was closed for asbestos cleanup. We dropped our jaws when he suggested that public sector union members/federal employees should be ashamed of themselves. We cringed when he made goofy faces on camera during the naming of a post…
God Hates Alaska Native Culture Says WBC
Fred Phelps, the founder of Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas is dead and gone, but the institution of intolerance and hatred is still on the march, and headed to Alaska. WBC has a long history of organizing anti-gay protests, and picketing military and other funerals with crude and offensive signs. Now, Westboro Baptist Church has announced plans to picket the Alaska Native Heritage Center in Anchorage on the morning of June 1. Why, you ask? A news release posted on GodHatesFags.com, replete with Bible quotations, states two reasons for protesting the Alaska Heritage Center. “…you make a religion out of…
GOP Senator – Birth Control Irresponsible
I had a plan to write a column that was going to make the Anchorage municipal elections coming up to be the sexiest most riveting thing you’ve ever read. Then someone did something stupid in Juneau, so you’ll have to wait a week while I sort this doofus out. First, the reporting on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders from Kyle Hopkins and Marc Lester for the Anchorage Daily News has been incredible. Disturbing, and incredibly needed. Two percent of children born in Alaska have FASD. We need solutions and education. Sadly, we have a “think tank” formed by Sen. Pete Kelly…
Happy Weekend! (Easy on the cliff jumping.)
I hope you’re doing something fun this weekend. Here’s something on which yours truly will be taking a pass: a 600ft rope swing bungee jump into South Africa’s Magwa Falls gorge: [h/t Epic TV]