GOP Leader Threatens Sexual Assault Council
Speaker of the House Mike Chenault (R-Nikiski) is throwing rape victims under the train to get the governor’s out-of-state buddy on an Alaska gasline board. You’ve got to hand it to him; the lengths to which he will go to demonstrate his lack of common decency are not half-assed. In a state where 37 percent of women report having experienced sexual violence, and where rape statistics are three times the national average, Mike Chenault proves that for those like himself, there are more important things. Like getting the governor’s Texas buddy on the gasline board. The premise of Chenault’s latest legislative…
GOP Senator – Birth Control Irresponsible
I had a plan to write a column that was going to make the Anchorage municipal elections coming up to be the sexiest most riveting thing you’ve ever read. Then someone did something stupid in Juneau, so you’ll have to wait a week while I sort this doofus out. First, the reporting on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders from Kyle Hopkins and Marc Lester for the Anchorage Daily News has been incredible. Disturbing, and incredibly needed. Two percent of children born in Alaska have FASD. We need solutions and education. Sadly, we have a “think tank” formed by Sen. Pete Kelly…
Palin’s ‘Mazin’ ‘Murrika!
“Git red, wiiiiiiild, and blue, Merrika!” Thus spake the cartoon of a parody of a cartoon that used to be Alaska’s half-term governor, and the Vice Presidential nominee on the Republican Party ticket. Once, as much as Alaskans were horrified by it, the rest of the nation stood in awe watching the sparkly, mavericky mother of five take her place in the klieg lights, delivering a powerhouse speech that turned her into a household name overnight. She was, for a few hours, America’s new kickass sweetheart and future first female Vice President. She roared onto the stage and breathed life…
Palin’s Going “Rogue” TV
I know what you’re thinking when you make your daily pilgrimage to Sarah Palin’s Facebook page. You stare at your screen with a Crunch Wrap Supreme and Diet Redbull clicking “refresh” compulsively, waiting to be the first to capture the lustrous pearls of wisdom that fall like glistening acid raindrops from the unhinged jaw of the former half governor. You think to yourself, “If only I could capture this experience on video!” Seeing a picture of word salad just isn’t the same as being able to watch and listen. Printed words don’t deliver the jutting jaw, the pursed lips, that…
Contraception’s Bang for the Buck
JUNEAU, AK—Opposition to abortion rights has been the political hallmark of Alaska State Senator Fred Dyson (R-Eagle River). He is also, as these ironies invariably go, opposed to expanding contraceptive access. “By and large, sexual activity is recreation,” the senator intoned today during floor debate on SB49. “The state shouldn’t finance other people’s recreation.” Does the senator favor elimination of all state parks? What of the Department of Fish & Game—some of which relates to subsistence, but which also serves recreational endeavors? Is he aware that it is public, state-financed roads taking us to our state’s ski resorts, or does he imagine…
Good Tidings & Great Pain – Ch. 6, Christmas Future
We all know someone who does it. We may even have been guilty of it ourselves. I call it the “I had a dream” speech. It usually goes something like this: Oh my God! I had the weirdest dream last night. It was so freaky, but it felt really real. I was wearing roller-skates, and I was trying to skate down the hall of the place I used to work, but the carpet was really thick so I couldn’t, and then my mom showed up, but she wasn’t really my mom… and she was only wearing underwear, and speaking some…
Good Tidings & Great Pain – Ch. 5, You are Bad
It’s still Christmas. 9 Ladies Dancing Day. I still have a few days to finish blogging Sarah Palin’s book. I took a little intermission, but the 12 drummers loom, and it’s time to git ‘er done. The title of Chapter 5 is “Bad News, Good News.” The last three words are unnecessary. The chapter begins with an inspirational quote. “This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr. This particular quote is taken from his famous “I have a dream” speech in 1963. Because when Dr….
Duck Dynasty Duplicity?
Seems like the boys of Duck Dynasty done forgot where they come from. Usually, that means a feller’s gone and got uppity. In this case, it’s the reverse. Before the inexplicably popular show hit the airwaves, the beard-wearing, camo-doffing, red white & blue waving hillbillies lead a life of shame that they choose to forget, but because of photography, and the internets, past sins live on in perpetuity. Let’s take Jep. Here’s the prince of redneck reality TV in what you thought was his natural swampy habitat. Turns out, just one eight inch beard ago things were different. Remove the…
Good Tidings & Great Pain, Top 10 Atrocities Ch. 4
Yes, I’ve seen it. I have seen Dan Savage’s review of Palin’s book. It’s been sent to me on Facebook, posted to my wall, sent to the Mudflats page, emailed to me, tweeted at me, left in comments. It’s very funny. Dan Savage got off easy. That’s all I’m saying. Spoiler Alert: His husband threw the book away before he’d even gotten to Chapter 1. He wrote a review of the introduction. I wish I had Dan Savage’s husband, but Dan Savage was the better man and got him first. And so here I sit, egg nog in hand, as…
Parnell Gets Paid Back by Appointee
Hey! Here’s a little something. It’s the fastest game of connect the dots ever! Check it out. What could it be? GOP administrative hinkiness? Ethical bankruptcy? Sean Parnell asshattery? I guess we’ll just have to connect the dots and see. 1st Dot: Governor Sean Parnell apointed Tom McGrath to be a member of the State Compensation Commission. 2nd Dot: McGrath recommended giving Sean Parnell a pay raise. 3rd Dot: McGrath is holding a fundraiser for Sean Parnell. See? There he is in the right hand column, among the other ethically challenged “hosts” like Randy Reudrich, Dan Coffey, and Chris Birch. A man is known…