Ryan: Wisconsin Death Grip
Disasters befell one small town in Wisconsin during the final decade of the 19th century. The town of Black River Falls seems gripped by some peculiar malaise and the weekly news is dominated by bizarre tales of madness, eccentricity and violence amongst the local population. Suicide and murder are commonplace. People in the town are haunted by ghosts, possessed by devils… —“Wisconsin Death Trip” Having one candidate wreck your state’s brand—a matter of which we Alaskans can speak with authority—can be chalked up as an aberration. But four, in the space of two years? That’s a pattern. That’s critical mass….
Mitt the Awkward Runs for Office
Have you ever had a chance to save someone from an embarrassing situation? It doesn’t have to be a big one. More than once I’ve seen women leaving the ladies room with toilet paper trailing their fancy shoes. It’s easy; walk up to them, step on the trailing end and they are free. I have the same uneasy feeling watching Mitt Romney campaign for president. I’m embarrassed for him. I get squinchy and want to look away when he speaks. I want to step on something and free him of his awkwardness. Since he’s been running for office longer than…
Romney Courts the Bazillionaire Dog-Hater Vote
Looks like the Romneys are having a big fancy fundraiser at the home of the only person that could make Mitt look like the poster child for the ASPCA. Romney, who is loathed by dog-lovers everywhere for his treatment of Seamus, the family dog whom he strapped in a crate to the top of the car for 12 hours, has even inspired a website called Dogs Against Romney. Although Romney’s treatment of man’s best friend has been less than stellar, at least he has never barbecued one. You may remember back in May of 2009, Sarah Palin was invited to…
Palin Returns to Anti-GOP Roots
As the immediate past Vice Presidential nominee, it’s hardly surprising that most people outside Alaska view Sarah Palin as a card-carrying member of the GOP establishment. Despite her husband Todd’s seven year dalliance with the secessionist Alaska Independence Party, and his quiet conversion to the GOP when his wife decided to run for office, Sarah has always been a party member—technically. Many are perplexed that Palin “suddenly” has turned against the very establishment that brought her national fame, and is now throwing her support (albeit not a formal endorsement) behind Newt Gingrich and against the party’s presumptive nominee, Mitt Romney….
Battleground Florida: Clown-on-Clown Violence
It’s time to put a couple fresh plump Florida oranges in a tube sock, and let the beating begin. All week long, Americans have been treated to the horrifying yet compelling spectacle of the two frontrunners in the GOP race for their party’s nomination pummeling each other like Roman gladiators before the bloodthirsty crowd. The winning gladiator, in whatever desperate shape he happens to be – steak on his eye, split lip, dragging one leg, bleeding on the carpet – has earned the right to move on to the big fight. He’ll be wildly flailing his half-functional limb at the…
Mitt Romney’s French Connection
By Jim Wright What do you call a man who speaks multiple languages? A polyglot. What do you call a man who speaks two languages? Bilingual. What do you call a man who only speak one language – and poorly at that? An American. Goddamned right. There’s only one language worth knowing and that’s English American. Speak it loud, speak it proud. Speak it really slowly so that that natives will understand. Turns out that Mitt Romney speaks French. Can you believe it? French. Of all the languages that are not the biblically musical angelic language of Heaven, i.e. English American, Romney chose French. The language of beret wearing socialist surrender…
Unvetted Palin Says Republicans Should “Vet One Another.”
Sarah Palin, perhaps politics’ most high-profile vetting escapee seems to have a strong opinion on the matter of vetting when it comes to people who are not Sarah Palin. Despite documentation that proves Palin was never vetted (as John McCain and others claim), she is waving the red flag, encouraging Rick Perry, Newt Gingrich and others to continue their public “vetting” of Mitt Romney and the cast of Republican presidential hopefuls. Palin says that criticism of Romney’s record as the head of Bain Capital is fair and that he should provide the public with proof of his claims that he…
Latest GOP Dust-Up Plays Out in Polls
And the results are in! We didn’t have to wait long to see how the latest mix-up in the cast of GOP presidential wannabes played out in the polls. Here was our lineup: Herman Cain – Blinking and stammering his way through allegations that he sexually harassed multiple women over the years, we heard him tell a variety of stories, none of which seemed to be consistent. The thrashing and squirming ended up with his campaign manager blaming Rick Perry for leaking the information even though there was no solid evidence to back up the claim. Rick Perry – Suddenly,…
Palin’s Paul Revere Gaffe – The Idiocy Tour Continues (VIDEO)
Well, Hurricane Sarah continues its ravaging rampage up the Eastern seaboard. Leaving idiocy, ignorance and alienation in its wake, it continued its relentless path of destruction as it headed for New Hampshire. First, in the nation’s capital, Sarah Palin managed to alienate the organizers of the annual Rolling Thunder motorcycle rally in support of veterans, POWs and those missing in action. Then, she struck New Yorkers in the heart with a fork by desecrating their local customs and humiliating herself by eating pizza with silverware. And let’s not forget the “Statute [sic] of Liberty.” So where is she now? Boston,…