Voices from the Flats – Retired Pastor
By Retired Pastor This retired pastor is not nearly brave enough to read Sarah Palin’s ghostwriter’s book, America by Heart. We all appreciate AK Muckraker’s noble sacrifice in plowing through the platitudes on our behalf, and commenting on whatever chunks of fertilizer the plow turns up. Here is one such chunk of manure which caught my attention. On page 195, the ghostwriter did a cut-and-paste from George Washington’s Farewell Address and then summarized the quote: morality itself cannot be sustained without the support of religious belief. Fair enough. Washington said that; the ghostwriter liked it; presumably Sarah Palin endorses the…
America By Heart, Chapter 8 Part 1- I Hear America Praying
It’s a good thing we’re getting close to the end of Sarah Palin’s book, as it seems to take more time to “cleanse the mental palate” after each helping of… how to put this kindly… “Bravo Sierra.” OK, we last left our heroine (the protagonist kind, not the “that’s what we have to shoot up to get through this book” kind) in Chapter 7 where she told us all about faith. One chapter just wouldn’t do, apparently, so she’s back for more. So, boots on, chests out, chins up, and let’s march. Page 207 There was a cross on federal land in…
America by Heart – Chapter 7, The Indispensable Support of Freedom
This was a sneaky one. I read the title of the chapter thinking it might be anything. Turns out that the hidden message of this chapter is religion. We have hit the “faith” part of “Family, Faith and Flag.” Although (spoiler alert) the next chapter is called “I Hear America Praying” so we might be in for two scoops of religion in this Palin-style crap cone. Let’s get right to it. Page 181 Little Sarah had a transcendant experience when she was eleven years old. She walked out of the cabin and things seemed different when she looked at the mountains….
America By Heart – Chapter 6, Are We Really the Ones We've Been Waiting For?
You thought I forgot, didn’t you… No, I just needed to take a little mental break before I picked up that book again. But thanks to determination, and a darn good work ethic instilled in me by my parents, I’m here to march forward. There are nine chapters, and we’re ready to tackle number 6. We can do this. And we will find the inspiration to go on from a very unlikely place. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the woman who encouraged me to keep going, even when the going is tough – Sarah Palin! (Slow and bewildered applause from…
America by Heart – PICTURES! (in words)
Well, we had a 24-hour breather. A little intermission. A mental sorbet between courses of inedible nonsense, and sheets of trees that died in vain. And now (rolling up sleeves) we’re ready to begin again. And lucky for us, we can ease back into the whole steaming pile of pulp with… PICTURES! I cannot reproduce any of them, but I will describe them to you so you get the idea. *********************************** 13-year old Sarah Palin, already memorializing the killin’ of stuff on film. She shows the disinterested family pet (a German Shepherd named Rufus) two dead birds she shot. Look! …
America by Heart – Chapter 5, The Rise of the Mama Grizzlies, Part 2
When we last left our “author” she was knee deep, wading through the feminist swamp, trying to slog through while simultaneously engaging in painful contortions of ideology, history, and gender. This half of the chapter is no different. We’ve moved from Hillary Clinton and her bra-burnin’ ways to the earliest suffragettes, and the hard-ass workin’ pioneer chicks of the West. Page 139 It surprises some people to hear that she considers herself a feminist. She is also a “grateful beneficiary” of Title IX, the federal law that mandates equal opportunity in women’s sports in high school and college. (??? She…
America by Heart – The Rise of the Mama Grizzlies, Part 1
To be honest, I’ve been dreading this chapter. I keep hearing little rumblings about it, and I knew it was going to make my blood pressure rise. Part 2 is the real meat of the thing, so you should be alright this time without any protective head gear. Are you ready to hear all about the fed-up mama grizzlies (aka angry sows)? Well, get your pepper spray and let’s hit the trail. Page 127 Mama Grizzlies are not cuddly. They are “serious as a heart attack” creatures. Don’t hug them. “When the ones she loves are threatened, she rises up.”…
America by Heart – Chapter 4, Raising (Small-r) Republicans, Part 2
I was unable to make it through the entire “family values” chapter in one sitting, so today we’ll play clean up and get that out of the way before we tackle Chapter 5, bringing us to the half-way mark when we will be closer to the end than the beginning! In this chapter we learn about how much liberals hate the family, and the real problem with Hurricane Katrina victims, and what’s wrong with America. It’s possible we may have to outlaw divorce and return to our ex-husbands and wives. Just warning you. Because you may think you’re a family,…
America by Heart – Chapter 4, Raising (Small-r) Republicans, Part 1
We’ve made it to chapter four, and there is no rest for the weary. This chapter, while mostly non-political, is maddening nonetheless. And while we get a blissful reprieve from the Founding Fathers, and Milton Friedman and Alexis de Tocqueville, we will find ourselves being irritated with Helen Keller. We will not hold a grudge for very long, though. How can you stay mad at Helen Keller? This chapter will require the use of an extra piece of equipment, you should be warned. In addition to the usual Maalox (or Pepto Bismol, your choice), adult beverage, and helmet to avoid…
America by Heart – Chapter 3, America the Exceptional
Alright, we’re on to Chapter 3… almost half way through this tripe salad. This chapter talks about how we’re the best and we’re number one, but we’re not cocky or arrogant. We have juuuust the right blend of humility and realistic analysis of our specialness to be… well… the best. And once we realize how best we are, there’s a little celebration of free market capitalism at the end and we join Sarah in her little fantasy of calling back Milton Friedman from the grave so he can kick Michael Moore’s ass and show him what capitalism is really all…